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Daily Question, August 5

How can I be a better friend?

  • Ash

    I can be a better friend by listening to the person who has put up with my complaints and tantrums and in turn putting up with their tantrums. My friends mean everything to me, and I’d love nothing more than being something to them, and helping them out.

  • Laura

    I can be a better friend by bettering myself and in turn doing everything I can to help those around me as well. I can use my voice and use my knowledge to better the lives of those around me.

  • Malag

    Interesting question that finds me pulled into a judgmental mindset: if I can be a better friend then somehow I am not a good enough one now. I know that is not the intention of the question but it is how it is playing out in my mind that has grabbed my attention.

  • Hot Sauce

    I can be a better friend by texting or messaging my friends more often to see how they are. I’m still avoiding meeting them in-person just to take extra precautions during this pandemic, but I probably should check in with them a little more often.

  • Dusty Su
    To better understand what it means to be a friend, not just a friend to humanity, which ideally would be great if we all strove to be that sort of friend. But true soul friends to me means to arrive with good intention, aware, full, and as genuinely as I can be in order to enter the dance of friendship well. A true friend works on their side of the dance floor to arrive soundly too. I am learning to choose who I can dance with wisely. Some people provide beautiful opportunities for service to an...

    To better understand what it means to be a friend, not just a friend to humanity, which ideally would be great if we all strove to be that sort of friend. But true soul friends to me means to arrive with good intention, aware, full, and as genuinely as I can be in order to enter the dance of friendship well. A true friend works on their side of the dance floor to arrive soundly too. I am learning to choose who I can dance with wisely. Some people provide beautiful opportunities for service to and receiving kindness from them, but we are not fit for each other’s inner friend circle of deep trust, exchange, and soul intimacy. Healthy boundaries and generous exchanges within them make us all better friends.

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  • Don Jones

    By being someone who can be counted on no matter what the weather or the season.

  • Javier Visionquest

    Show up early, stay late. Stop wasting time with those who don’t appreciate

  • Linda

    I can shower them with love while they are talking to me and stay focused. Too often my mind wanders and I miss half the conversation.

  • Maeve

    To be a better friend to myself: talk kindly to myself. Take care of my body. Do things that delight me, and be with people who are delightful.

    To others: don’t take crap from people. Be honest. Take a deep breath when I’m upset, and notice what I’m feeling.

  • Carla

    Occasionally I still multi task when appearing to listen on the phone. I need to take action & focus just on my call-dishes & folding clothes & misc tasks CAN wait. The person before me IS the task at hand.

    • Linda

      I so appreciate your saying this, Carla. I have stopped calling a friend who multi-tasks through every phone call, sometimes dropping the phone in the middle of trying to complete her “must do” list.

      • Carla
        Your welcome Linda. My mother took in ironing as an income, back in the mid 60’s when men wore ironed long sleeves shirts every day. This & cleaning neighbor’s home put food on the table, as she was a single parent. On Sunday afternoon I’d read to her or work on spelling lists or tell her my heart’s secrets, sitting on a near by chair. I was in the 3rd grade. Years later as an adult my “lack of attentive listening” became a discussion in a couple’s counseling session. I would c...

        Your welcome Linda. My mother took in ironing as an income, back in the mid 60’s when men wore ironed long sleeves shirts every day. This & cleaning neighbor’s home put food on the table, as she was a single parent. On Sunday afternoon I’d read to her or work on spelling lists or tell her my heart’s secrets, sitting on a near by chair. I was in the 3rd grade. Years later as an adult my “lack of attentive listening” became a discussion in a couple’s counseling session. I would constantly be involved in some household task while my partner wanted my rapt attention. I had to learn to “stop ironing” & fully listen.

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      • Javier Visionquest

        “Hi, Hello! Is now a good time?”

  • Becca

    I can be more forgiving and understanding while also making tine for friends. I need to express my needs in a compassionate way and set healthy boundaries.

  • to address difficulties earlier and to trust the friends willingness to look at what I experience as difficulty and the willingness to be in honest exchange until we find something we can both agree on. Rumi, you all know the quote ‘beyond right or wrong….’ so I really have to train myself in addressing rather than holding back…. and then there is Dharma friendship (I like to use the term that HE Garchen Rinpoche used lately in his teachings when he adressed his audience as ‘my Dharma ...

    to address difficulties earlier and to trust the friends willingness to look at what I experience as difficulty and the willingness to be in honest exchange until we find something we can both agree on. Rumi, you all know the quote ‘beyond right or wrong….’ so I really have to train myself in addressing rather than holding back…. and then there is Dharma friendship (I like to use the term that HE Garchen Rinpoche used lately in his teachings when he adressed his audience as ‘my Dharma friends’) in Dharma friendship its all about not giving up on someone, no matter what. also a training ground… may all be well ?

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  • Michele

    I feel I am an awesome friend – I’m the one who always remembers birthdays/anniv. I’m the one who does the keeping in touch. I’m a good listener and make time for my friends. Not sure how I can be better? I’ve learned there are definitely different categories of friends. I’ve accepted that I will only put forth the effort to maintain friendship to those who do the same for me.

  • Zenith

    By ceasing to be irritated over the fact that I am the only one who ever initiates contact or communication.

  • Howie Geib

    I have become quite the recluse of late. I can’t blame COVID as I am a hermitic soul at heart and love to find a hole to burrow in and it seems to be a way to bear my awareness of the pain in the world. This is NOT conducive to my friendships as the outward me is quite social and amiable. Engaged. So I need to keep in touch more. Nothing that effortful really. And NOTES instead of emails or comments on Social Media. People are overjoyed by mail.

  • Katrina

    By not keeping score.

    • Judith

      You have hit the proverbial nail on the head!

    • Howie Geib

      OMG…this is brutally true for me! I was given a Tee shirt by a friend that said “if you are on the treadmill next to me: YES! We’re racing.”

  • Trish

    A great friend just keeps showing up. I can send a card or email or text, phone them to remind them of their importance in my life. I can listen without an agenda & share my time, my love & my gratitude for their existence.

  • devy
    Mentioned below.. reach out more. Yes we have social media and yes the corona virus is limiting my physical connection, but a phone call will suffice. I’ve always considered myself as a personne whom is there for others when they need it. Sometimes though I find myself short fused and lack patience with those close to me. I need to work on breathing during the time, stop jumping to conclusions or trying to sway their thoughts or beliefs. I must listen, accept their views or actions and realize...

    Mentioned below.. reach out more. Yes we have social media and yes the corona virus is limiting my physical connection, but a phone call will suffice. I’ve always considered myself as a personne whom is there for others when they need it. Sometimes though I find myself short fused and lack patience with those close to me. I need to work on breathing during the time, stop jumping to conclusions or trying to sway their thoughts or beliefs. I must listen, accept their views or actions and realize that’s they’re responsible for themselves. We can’t solve all the worlds problems.. offer help and if they are not open to help, accept that it is their life and only step in if it is life threatening / dangerous to them.

    Read More
  • Kevin

    Show up. Listen. Be honest. Go the distance.

  • sunnypatti
    Reach out more. I find myself in this place sometimes thinking how my friends don't reach out to me enough, but what about me? I justify my behavior by telling myself that I work 45-50 hrs a week, and that they all know I recently moved and always have something to be doing at my new house. But I think about the time I take for me... the time I take to walk around my property or practice yoga or whatever. There is always time. It's also a nice reminder that you get what you give. I don't conside...

    Reach out more. I find myself in this place sometimes thinking how my friends don’t reach out to me enough, but what about me? I justify my behavior by telling myself that I work 45-50 hrs a week, and that they all know I recently moved and always have something to be doing at my new house. But I think about the time I take for me… the time I take to walk around my property or practice yoga or whatever. There is always time. It’s also a nice reminder that you get what you give. I don’t consider myself – or them – bad friends, but I could definitely be doing a better job. I’m going to reach out to one of my girls when I get off work today!

    Read More

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