What have I offered people today?

I write each morning and so I offer what I wrote today in hopes that it might prove helpful to others:

“The things that frighten us just want to be held.” Mark Nepo

What is frightening you at this point in your life?

For me, it is the awareness that though I know I belong, I feel utterly alone. Life has become exhausting. Br. David Stendl Rass says “The anecdote for exhaustion is wholeheartedness.”

What is wholeheartedness?

I’m guessing it is the willingness to let all my thoughts, feelings, joys and sorrows into my heart.

Name them and claim them because without ownership, I can’t offer the ones that are frightening me up for transformation.

As Fr. Richard Rohr often says, “What isn’t transformed is transmitted.”

What rolls around in my mind often pains my head and without the help of my heart-it can and will create and transmit unhealthy energies which I do not wish to impose on myself or others.

As I meditated last evening, I burst into tears. Bottled up feelings poured out life rain. Something from deep within me cried out, “This is not sorrow. These are tears of anger.”

I let myself feel the anger. I was so pissed off at myself. As a dear friend would say, I had been playing the “shoulda, coulda woulda, game.” I shoulda, I coulda and if I woulda!!!!”

I reminded my self that “If I woulda” is often tied to the “What if” and “If only” game.

What is IS. I finally accepted the invitation to move my exhausting thought process—my debilitating head game–into my heart and [w]holed on.

As Mark Nepo says, “The things that frighten us just want to be held.”
Might that be the definition of wholeheartedness?

Blessings, Carol