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Daily Question, September 14

What habits of mind need to shift in order for me to see roses along with thorns?

  • ABC

    It is like looking at the sun when cotton tail clouds pass in front, I still see the sun.

  • Hot Sauce
    When I go through a mental health crisis or get triggered, it's so easy for me to only see the thorns and feel like my life is over; it'll never get better; there's no hope; etc. What I tend to forget in those moments, however, is that there are many crises I have gone through that I not only overcame, but came out of with far more joy and insight than I had ever experienced before. A flower has almost always bloomed from the initial "ugly" thorn. I have to try to not forget that when hard times...

    When I go through a mental health crisis or get triggered, it’s so easy for me to only see the thorns and feel like my life is over; it’ll never get better; there’s no hope; etc. What I tend to forget in those moments, however, is that there are many crises I have gone through that I not only overcame, but came out of with far more joy and insight than I had ever experienced before. A flower has almost always bloomed from the initial “ugly” thorn. I have to try to not forget that when hard times hit.

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  • Ose

    Look at both of these aspects of a rose without judging or labeling it.

  • Don Jones

    If I want roses, they come with thorns. At a deeper level, if I want roses I need to focus on soil, manure, water and sunlight in the right proportions. If I want bliss and joy, I need to focus on my daily practices, no matter what. The outcome is a result of what I do each day.

  • DeVonna

    I’m just learning to forgive myself for all the ways I’ve disappointed ME in this short lifetime. I want to focus on my triumphs instead of my shortcomings. A verse that helps me is, “if our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and knows all things,” I know that I am beloved and that is life’s greatest gift.

  • Nancy Walton-House
    I need to be conscious. I need to notice when my thoughts and, even more important to me, my feelings focus on the negative. I need to ask myself how long I choose to dwell in this space. I need to ask myself when I am ready to focus on the positive. I need to use my resources to make and sustain the desired change. Resources that help me include: prayer, meditation, this website, my daily gratitude journal, reading, music, a daily Well Connected Program on gratitude, related group activitie...

    I need to be conscious. I need to notice when my thoughts and, even more important to me, my feelings focus on the negative. I need to ask myself how long I choose to dwell in this space. I need to ask myself when I am ready to focus on the positive. I need to use my resources to make and sustain the desired change. Resources that help me include: prayer, meditation, this website, my daily gratitude journal, reading, music, a daily Well Connected Program on gratitude, related group activities and relationships with some key individuals.

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  • Sarah

    I need to shift my focus on what I’m missing out on to what I currently have. I try to analyze events and thoughts so I can avoid pain and make the smartest move. This can prevent me from seeing all of the great things around me.

  • JessikaZen

    I need to shift my heart to compassion versus resentment and fear. When something does not exactly turn out the way I believed it would be, I waste precious energy on negative thoughts (this will often evolve into anxiety for me). I am working on attracting more positive energy into my life and not letting the thorns scratch me up when the rose is right in front of me.

  • Linda

    It seems that as I get older, I remember more of my failings and then beat myself up over them. I have had a productive life dedicated to helping others, yet what I focus on is all the things I didn’t do and the ways that I failed others. It has become a habit, and it makes me very sad.

    • DeVonna

      Hi Linda, I do this too, focus on my failings rather than my triumphs. Why do we do this?? I am an amazing, compassionate, accomplished woman and I am my worst enemy at times.

      Here’s to rejecting my negative self thoughts and embracing the miracle that is ME!

  • eliza

    I am in the habit of hearing criticism and taking it too personally and not always the good comments i receive -to keep a balance would mean less thorns, more roses and greater confidence in my writing and in all i try to do.

  • pkr

    I need to remember “that this too shall pass”, the thorns. And to remember there are always lessons to be learned from the good, the bad and the ugly. I am right where I need to be. ?

  • Zenith

    Miy habitual thought pattern that jumps to conclusions without having all the facts. Cynicism and judgement. I am learning to catch myself and flip my thoughts around but it is taking a very long time.

  • Michele

    Positivity. Good will always outweigh the bad. Smile. Random acts of kindness. Courage. Faith. It can be hard sometimes but love is love.

  • Trish

    I’ve been working on “taming my ego” for several years. It appears my ego is defiant. She sometimes picks people apart & gets irritated by things that are are trivial. In the Big Picture the idiosyncrasies of others make life challenging & fascinating. I am working on embracing that philosophy on a consistent basis. ?

  • sunnypatti
    Less fear. More trust. I live my life with much less fear than I used to, but it’s a process, and that fear definitely still creeps in from time to time. I’ve always said that everything happens for a reason, and that means even the thorny stuff. If my life hadn’t taken the course that it had, I would not be the healthy, happy, sober woman that I am today. I feel like I *have* learned to see the roses along with the thorns, and I appreciate that kind of progress in my life. I’m really pr...

    Less fear. More trust.
    I live my life with much less fear than I used to, but it’s a process, and that fear definitely still creeps in from time to time. I’ve always said that everything happens for a reason, and that means even the thorny stuff. If my life hadn’t taken the course that it had, I would not be the healthy, happy, sober woman that I am today. I feel like I *have* learned to see the roses along with the thorns, and I appreciate that kind of progress in my life. I’m really proud of the person I have become… and am still becoming ?

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  • Cathy

    As a person who quite naively but intentionally built thorny protective walls for much of her life, I’ve been pruning. So my ‘habit of mind’ is two-fold: First has been to establish the practice of not building those prickly walls anymore. Second is the ongoing process of trimming a lifetime’s thorny vine collection as an effort not only to see the beauty of nature but to allow some ingress.

  • Kevin

    Well, I get the intended message in today’s question, but “thorns,” and thorns of life, also teach, and help to make the roses that much more beautiful.

    • Nancy Walton-House

      Yes, thorns are an inevitable part of life and can lead us to great life lessons. For me, the question is how long do I choose to dwell in the thorns and when is it time to move toward the roses. Saint Ignatius of Loyola, founder of the Jesuits, taught and wrote about desolations (thorns) and consolations (roses). He valued both and believed they can equally lead us to inner peace and relationship with the Devine. I value thorns and roses in my life as they have made me a better person.

      • Kevin

        Hello Nancy, thank you very much for your thoughts here….and reminding me also of what Saint Ignatius taught us. Here’s wishing you a rose and thorn balanced day!

  • Gregoire

    I temperature important money in my life. I have plenty of it and I still worry about it.. the more I put my outright trust in God the happier I will be and the more grateful I will become.

  • Howie Geib
    I am being urged by the universe to accept progress in micro-stages. Incremental steps that are almost irrelevant in the moment and yet, over a bit of time, grow into real measurable progress. So I am being challenged to have patience and trust in the flow. For one thing, its slow pace is gentle, easy to endure for long periods of time, not demanding much rigor and effort. There is also the scenery to be enjoyed along the path. More of a river barge on the Garonne meandering along than a jet ski...

    I am being urged by the universe to accept progress in micro-stages. Incremental steps that are almost irrelevant in the moment and yet, over a bit of time, grow into real measurable progress. So I am being challenged to have patience and trust in the flow. For one thing, its slow pace is gentle, easy to endure for long periods of time, not demanding much rigor and effort. There is also the scenery to be enjoyed along the path. More of a river barge on the Garonne meandering along than a jet ski on the Atlantic hopping waves. So the habit is two-fold: acceptance and trust in the process.

    Read More
    • Cathy

      Wow, well said. Do you know how sometimes you start reading someone and think ‘here is a person who writes in a way that my heart gets it’? Thanks for keeping up with your posts here, Howie- I appreciate them more than I say.

    • Kevin

      Beautiful, Howie, and thank you.

  • Antoinette
    I think the habit of mind that wants to cling to notion that I am alone is a good one to shift. The habit of mind that thinks I’m just one person so what difference could I make anyway is another notion which I could change. Just these two examples bring to mind Thays quote today -“As long as we’re rejecting ourselves and causing harm to our bodies and minds, there’s no point in talking about loving and accepting others.” The harsh criticism or critic mind needs to shift. But how ...

    I think the habit of mind that wants to cling to notion that I am alone is a good one to shift. The habit of mind that thinks I’m just one person so what difference could I make anyway is another notion which I could change.
    Just these two examples bring to mind Thays quote today -“As long as we’re rejecting ourselves and causing harm to our bodies and minds, there’s no point in talking about loving and accepting others.”
    The harsh criticism or critic mind needs to shift.
    But how is the important part because often we want to push away part of ourselves in a harsh way.
    The antidote to the harsh critic is tenderness. I can pay attention with mindful tenderness to what kind of thoughts are going through my mind right now. One useful tool is to notice and say: “real but not true “
    Many of our thoughts are regurgitated day after day year after year when we stop to listen to what are minds are saying we plant more roses but using the right fertilizer. So what is my mind getting up to right now is a doorway into shifting habits of mind that are no longer serving.
    Gently, gently, slowly, slowly with kindness and love I can pay attention to right here and now to my thoughts and ask is this true ? His Holiness the Dalai Lama uses a 3 point system that’s very useful when considering a response:
    1. Is it true?
    2. Is it necessary and useful?
    3. Is it kind?
    This seems like a good thing to use when I am mindful of what thoughts are going on.
    Have a beautiful day friends. ❤️

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    • Howie Geib

      Yes…this. All of it. I had a Dad who was a disciplinarian. At the time it seemed harsh. And yet, now that he is gone, I am constantly replacing him in my own mind. There is a disciplining that seems hard and isn’t cruel. It is out of love and a knowing what’s important to meet my SELF made goals. The contradiction for me is baffling still…love is behind the words of any good coach.

      • Kevin

        “Love is behind the words of any good coach.” Thanks, Howie, these are my words for the day today!

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