What fears are getting in the way of fully appreciating the fact that I am alive today?

mmm…thanks for this. It resonates SO much for me this morning. I feel like my age and general conditions suggest a complacency I cannot help but rebel against. I am a conduit Holly. Perhaps like me, we cannot help ourselves but be out there quickening aliveness, all the while clearing away any internal detritus that foments resignation. With a determined unwillingness to leave any responsibility on anyone else’s doorstep. And yet THAT, that quality in us, our unrelenting spurring on of ourselves is being fully alive. You are Holly the gardener. Judging is not positive, it’s true, but I ask myself often if the inner judgment is actually more of an inner examination, the first step to calibration and course correction? David Whyte’s poem “Everything is Waiting for you” comes to mind.

Your great mistake is to act the drama
as if you were alone. As if life
were a progressive and cunning crime
with no witness to the tiny hidden
transgressions. To feel abandoned is to deny
the intimacy of your surroundings. Surely,
even you, at times, have felt the grand array;
the swelling presence, and the chorus, crowding
out your solo voice You must note
the way the soap dish enables you,
or the window latch grants you freedom.
Alertness is the hidden discipline of familiarity.
The stairs are your mentor of things
to come, the doors have always been there
to frighten you and invite you,
and the tiny speaker in the phone
is your dream-ladder to divinity.

Put down the weight of your aloneness and ease into
the conversation. The kettle is singing
even as it pours you a drink, the cooking pots
have left their arrogant aloofness and
seen the good in you at last. All the birds
and creatures of the world are unutterably
themselves. Everything is waiting for you.