Daily Question, April 4 How has showing vulnerability shifted a difficult situation? 43 Reflections Share Click here to cancel reply.Please log in or Create a Profile to post a comment. Notify me when someone replies to my comment via e-mail. k'Care-Reena1 year agok'Care-ReenaHOW HAS SHOWING VULNERABILITY SHIFTED A DIFFICULT SITUATION?FOR MYSELF?: I have been comfortable in vulnerability, I see the beauty and strength in it, it has NOT always been this way. I was EXCESSIVELY vulnerable and found myself being taken advantage from people I thought CARED about me and “truly loved”. With detecting how others can take advantage of me because I show vulnerability most of the time (to ignite the MOVEMENT of being human AND NOT PERFECT “Progression over perfection!...HOW HAS SHOWING VULNERABILITY SHIFTED A DIFFICULT SITUATION?FOR MYSELF?: I have been comfortable in vulnerability, I see the beauty and strength in it, it has NOT always been this way. I was EXCESSIVELY vulnerable and found myself being taken advantage from people I thought CARED about me and “truly loved”. With detecting how others can take advantage of me because I show vulnerability most of the time (to ignite the MOVEMENT of being human AND NOT PERFECT “Progression over perfection!” I proceed with caution. Be aware there are times you have the best intentions at heart however NOT EVERYONE IS LIKE THAT. Because I am so honest i find myself in situations where others do not feel comfortable being honest no matter what I am able to do. In these situations vulnerability should be kept at a distance as some individuals require “tough love” approach to address their concern. MODERATION is KEY & ESSENTIAL. Read More4 Reply Malag1 year agoMalagI don’t know. I can talk the theory and to some extent maybe practice. But which me is the me that is being vulnerable? It’s like nested dolls. Is true vulnerability dropping all the “me’s”? 2 Reply Theresa Jarman1 year agoTheresa JarmanIt has shown me that people actually care about what I feel. Showed me who are my real friends in life are. Showed who I need to cut out of my life so that I can actually be human and have weaknesses and vulnerability. love that I can be accepted still even when that see that side off me. It actually got me out of an mental and verbally relationship with my father cause it showed me that he didn't care about me being vulnerable, that I had feelings, that I was human. Worked with a counselor ...It has shown me that people actually care about what I feel. Showed me who are my real friends in life are. Showed who I need to cut out of my life so that I can actually be human and have weaknesses and vulnerability. love that I can be accepted still even when that see that side off me. It actually got me out of an mental and verbally relationship with my father cause it showed me that he didn’t care about me being vulnerable, that I had feelings, that I was human. Worked with a counselor about it. Blocked my father out of my life awhile ago. Now I can start having and learning to have a healthy relationship with my vulnerability and weakness. Still working on it though. Read More3 Reply Hot Sauce1 year agoHot SauceFor the past two years, I've been going through a major spiritual crisis, but the fact that I was willing to seek help as soon as it started has made it a lot more bearable than a similar crisis I had from April 2010 to July 2012, where I was not as willing to be open to others about what I was going through. My counselor has really helped me through this and has also showed me that it might even be a "triggered" crisis created by the trauma from April 2010 to 2012. I am able to approach this cr...For the past two years, I’ve been going through a major spiritual crisis, but the fact that I was willing to seek help as soon as it started has made it a lot more bearable than a similar crisis I had from April 2010 to July 2012, where I was not as willing to be open to others about what I was going through. My counselor has really helped me through this and has also showed me that it might even be a “triggered” crisis created by the trauma from April 2010 to 2012. I am able to approach this crisis from a more hopeful perspective. Read More4 Reply Drew Blanton1 year agoDrew BlantonBelieve it or not, once a woman told me to get out. Instead of fighting I just turned around. That solved everything. Well, almost. She still seemed mad at the male gender. 3 Reply Brynn1 year agoBrynnMy relationship with my 20 yo son has been strained for sometime. Choosing to show my vulnerability, to choose vulnerability in the face of fear, allowed my son to hear me, and in that, to start an on going healing relationship. It took my courage to act in the face of fear, it WAS scary. Yet showing vulnerability generating from love was the turning point in opening both of our hearts. 6 Reply Don Jones1 year agoDon JonesGiving up positions like “being right” always create an atmosphere of solution orientation and lets creativity flow. I mostly interpret vulnerability as taking a position – like to share or not share, right/wrong thinking and fear of the unknown. 5 Reply Antoinette1 year agoAntoinetteShowing vulnerability and being open to a few family member and friends recently has really made a difference in a difficult time. I asked for help and let people know how I was feeling and I’m so grateful for their flow of love and kindness. Counting my blessings and being grateful is a lovely path to cultivating more happiness. 7 Reply Toni1 year agoToniI am careful now who I open up too. I tend to be open to a default. I shared in a group once that I felt lonely and after the group broke up I was approached by a man who made a sexually derogatory remark which I will not share here. I changed my opinion of him and I have since left the group. I am reminded of Maya Angelous famous quote that I shared recently, "When people show you who they are, believe them, the first time." I usually cut people slack. But there comes a time when you jus...I am careful now who I open up too. I tend to be open to a default. I shared in a group once that I felt lonely and after the group broke up I was approached by a man who made a sexually derogatory remark which I will not share here. I changed my opinion of him and I have since left the group. I am reminded of Maya Angelous famous quote that I shared recently, “When people show you who they are, believe them, the first time.” I usually cut people slack. But there comes a time when you just have to walk away or speak your mind forcefully. I did not know how to handle the above situation due to past experiences and exploitations but I did speak up and took action. I never shared from that point of view again in that group that claimed to be a safe space but wasn’t. Wisdom is proven right by her actions. I think wisdom is needed to keep boundaries up in some situations. Another time I opened up to an x boyfriend and he beat me up and almost killed me. Since I though I deserved it, I stayed in that relationship for 5 years and later realized He had major problems worse than mine. I also had major problems with relationships and after years of therapy and leaving a religious cult, I still have trust issues. I am still looking for direction so I don’t live a life of total isolation that’s why I’m here. I am researching therapeutic help for me with someone trained in people who leave a cult. They are out there. I do hope I find someone to help. My last therapist was not trained in what I need. I stayed with him for 12 years. I am a slow learner but I can heal with the grace of God. And to open up to a therapist again is not easy. So I continue to search for answers that hopefully will help me trust again. Read More5 Reply Maeve1 year agoMaeveI am appreciating the personal responses. I need to hear specifics, not abstract generalities for the questions we are asked here. Yes, being vulnerable calls for wisdom and judgement. I can very easily hide my hurt in stoicism or anger. But sometimes my sadness has comes out spontaneously, in a way that I could not control, and in a way that was necessary. Last year, during the early months of the pandemic, I was on a Zoom staff meeting, and during the routine "check-in" period, I ended up i...I am appreciating the personal responses. I need to hear specifics, not abstract generalities for the questions we are asked here. Yes, being vulnerable calls for wisdom and judgement. I can very easily hide my hurt in stoicism or anger. But sometimes my sadness has comes out spontaneously, in a way that I could not control, and in a way that was necessary. Last year, during the early months of the pandemic, I was on a Zoom staff meeting, and during the routine “check-in” period, I ended up in tears during my share, which I had not planned to do!. The rest of the staff did not say much, but I felt their warm, understanding and support. I remember years ago, feeling distraught and beside myself one Sunday, and not knowing how to deal with my strong feelings. A woman from my Quaker Meeting who did not know me, approached me, and commented that I looked so sad. She sat with me for the next hour, and listened to me, just listened to my grief and upset. I will never forget being listened to so deeply. It was deeply comforting to be heard with compassion. When I am in difficult relationships and conflict, I often so much need to hear the person I am in conflict with show me their hurt and pain. It’s not easy because it makes one vulnerable and “weak” in a way. But then I have the opportunity to respond with compassion and understanding. Read More5 Reply Michele1 year agoMicheleEmotions come and go. Let them. Also, as women, we have physiological triggers – hormones… don’t forget to acknowledge them too. Peri menopause, menopause, ahhh the joys of womanhood. 1 Reply Holly in Ohio1 year agoHolly in OhioThis sounds familiar, Maeve. I'm wondering if you may be bottling your negative emotions up until they overflow. I know I and people around me have at times "bottled" as a way of coping. We just want to be "done" with our pain or stress and move on because it feels like there is nothing else we can do. Bottling feels right at the time. I have had outbursts, too, when I was holding too much in. But your grief and sadness are legitimate. You have every right for your feelings to come out, sponta...This sounds familiar, Maeve. I’m wondering if you may be bottling your negative emotions up until they overflow. I know I and people around me have at times “bottled” as a way of coping. We just want to be “done” with our pain or stress and move on because it feels like there is nothing else we can do. Bottling feels right at the time. I have had outbursts, too, when I was holding too much in. But your grief and sadness are legitimate. You have every right for your feelings to come out, spontaneously or otherwise. We can’t just hide it. It won’t go away just because we want it to. Wouldn’t life be easy if we could just wish hard feelings away! This is just a hunch, but I think you need to find some expression for your feelings in order to come to peace with them. Some folk find it helpful to make art of their feelings. It isn’t important that it is “good” art or that anyone sees it, though sometimes people do wish to share. You want specifics, I have a friend who’s had a lot of trauma, but the thing that most gets to her is that her only child won’t speak to her and hasn’t for years. She raised him on her own without any support or partner. I remember her showing me an art “series” she was doing to express her feelings she had that her son now has nothing to do with her. They were collages she had also drawn on, painted, altered, etc. Very dark. One was a heart, ripped apart. One was a heart, ripped, but crudely sewn together again. One was bleeding. And there were several others. It was impossible not to be moved by the tenderness of them. This expression worked for her, and let her talk about it. My dad dealt with the loss of his daughter (my sister), differently. He created funds for a medical library, for medical students at a university that might be having trouble affording their textbooks. My sister had been a nurse. The mother who lost her son to drunk driving, started the organization MADD… Mothers Against Drunk Driving. You don’t always have to be strong all the time, Maeve. You’re allowed to be “messy” too, or angry, or sad, or whatever you are feeling. Sometimes we just need to hear this. You don’t have to be cheery for us, or your coworkers, or your church, or for friends or family, or even for yourself. It’s okay. We still like you. 😉 If I’m off the mark, I apologize. I might be reading too much of my past self into this. I was moved by your vulnerability today. I hope the rest of your day is lovely. Read More3 Reply Maeve1 year agoMaeveThanks, but also too much advice here. And how did you answer this question for yourself? 2 Reply Cathie1 year agoCathieI am not sure I have purposefully shown vulnerability-purposefully presented my weakness – unless it was with a plan. But then that is really not being vulnerable-is it? 4 Reply SK1 year agoSKBeing open to the new. Being open with my woundedness and receiving the love and forgiveness of the universe. Seeing life differently with a quarter-turn of posture when dad had cancer and mom Alzheimer’s- I became the most vulnerable in my life. I gave all over to them for that final walk. . 5 Reply Mike S1 year agoMike SSee some of Brene Brown’s TED Talks on vulnerability. Our ability to be courageous opening up with others to the most sensitive feelings and thoughts is a strength. I have found in being vulnerable with my wife a deeper level of honesty, trust and love. 6 Reply Holly in Ohio1 year agoHolly in OhioWhen my children were younger, they especially needed security and definiteness. (For those who don't know, my children came to me mid-childhood, and they had been through a lot). They needed to think that I was certain of what I was doing and they would be safe with me and things would not change again on them. They needed to feel they could count on their parents and home and that we had the answers. But now that they are young adults, and they are learning they can count on themselves, and ...When my children were younger, they especially needed security and definiteness. (For those who don’t know, my children came to me mid-childhood, and they had been through a lot). They needed to think that I was certain of what I was doing and they would be safe with me and things would not change again on them. They needed to feel they could count on their parents and home and that we had the answers. But now that they are young adults, and they are learning they can count on themselves, and we are talking differently with each other. I tell them about the things I don’t know, the decisions I made in the past and in parenting that were probably wrong, and I talk to them openly about the struggles I’ve had and the faults I have that I’m trying to correct in myself. This has given me an unexpected blessing… they are talking to me, openly and honestly, about things that are difficult for them to share in general. I didn’t even realize the amount of trust until I was talking with a friend, and he also being a parent was amazed that my kids could talk to me about things. This was my great gift from allowing myself to be vulnerable. I don’t regret sounding certain when they were kids (when I was not certain), but I am also so very glad I gave it up! Read More8 Reply Mica1 year agoMicaWhat gifts you have given your children, Holly in Ohio – welcoming them into your home and parenting them so well! I wish I could re-parent one of my children. I hope to see her today. 6 Reply Holly in Ohio1 year agoHolly in OhioI have those days, too!!! Our family is far from perfect. It’s just real. I certainly have days I wish to “reparent.” What a great term you have there! My heart goes out to you this day and hope you see them and all goes well. 6 Reply Mica1 year agoMicaWell, I saw my daughter today, and we had a good visit. I’m aiming just to be supportive of her from here on out. I can’t change the past. I’m so grateful for the good visit. 4 Reply devy1 year agodevyShowing ones vulnerability at times can show others the reasons one acts the way the are, the conditions that created. Being open with others can make others understand, feel empathy towards you and rather than frustration or anger. It can clear the air and ones mental state. I believe though that one has to careful with whom they open up too as some people may use that against them. 5 Reply Holly in Ohio1 year agoHolly in OhioVery true, Devy. 3 Reply Michele1 year agoMicheleThe only ‘difficult situation’ I can think of, my vulnerability has no effect on it. It is what it is as someone mentioned the other day. I just try and maintain positivity, live in the present, and focus on kindness and love. Happy Easter everyone:) 4 Reply Holly in Ohio1 year agoHolly in OhioHappy Easter, Michele. 3 Reply Howie Geib1 year agoHowie GeibMany years ago (many years ago) I was in a position to stand up to an abuser. A powerful and trusted member of our family. I had made the decision to go so far in this confrontation as it would free me from continued abuse, but NOT to go public or accuse my perpetrator other than directly to him. I had trust and faith that it would keep me out of further harm, and do the least damage to me in the aftermath. This was a delicate maneuver, for it forced me to become vulnerable to the predictable re...Many years ago (many years ago) I was in a position to stand up to an abuser. A powerful and trusted member of our family. I had made the decision to go so far in this confrontation as it would free me from continued abuse, but NOT to go public or accuse my perpetrator other than directly to him. I had trust and faith that it would keep me out of further harm, and do the least damage to me in the aftermath. This was a delicate maneuver, for it forced me to become vulnerable to the predictable reaction which was even worse than I could have imagined, the vicious attack that included character assassination with the rest of the family and family friends. The temptation to retaliate was excruciating. And yet, over years, it became apparent that my relative silence, and the vulnerability it displayed, did not in fact communicate anything other than a public display of his character. And in the end I was not only freed but also stronger for having borne the onslaught in return for freedom and a chance for recovery. So it is a good example of a ‘shift’ and yet not a victory. For the damage was considerable. But for my part I remain at peace that my actions met my values and ethical standards. In a very real way, he may have come to see my vulnerability and lack of attack as a surrender, a rolling over. But I think not, for he knew me well. In fact I think he saw it as a way for me forgiving him while also making it stop. This was not far from the truth. He has since died, and while the scars live on daily within me, there is nothing left to be done. Read More10 Reply Ose1 year agoOseThank you, dear Howie, for sharing your painful experience with us and your very sensitive and heartfelt response to it. It helped me as well to feel less alone with having exposed myself that much today. I am deeply grateful for your contribution. To convey the way you have met the insult in the way you did and that you could keep your integrity and fine ethic sense and awareness despite the huge pain and feeling of vulnerability allows me and us to learn from it, of possibilities in how to res...Thank you, dear Howie, for sharing your painful experience with us and your very sensitive and heartfelt response to it. It helped me as well to feel less alone with having exposed myself that much today. I am deeply grateful for your contribution. To convey the way you have met the insult in the way you did and that you could keep your integrity and fine ethic sense and awareness despite the huge pain and feeling of vulnerability allows me and us to learn from it, of possibilities in how to respond to such deep running abuse. Thank you for this huge gift of yours. Read More3 Reply Holly in Ohio1 year agoHolly in OhioWell done, Howie! Few things are harder to do than speaking the truth where a lie or a secret has been allowed to fester and grow like a thick web of cancer. I applaud you. You did indeed gain your freedom, and rescued yourself. I am sorry your reputation was savaged, I know that can hurt deeply, but truth will eventually come out, it just sometimes takes an excruciatingly long time for others to see as well. Sometimes, they even DO see, but are never free. But YOU are. And your new frien...Well done, Howie! Few things are harder to do than speaking the truth where a lie or a secret has been allowed to fester and grow like a thick web of cancer. I applaud you. You did indeed gain your freedom, and rescued yourself. I am sorry your reputation was savaged, I know that can hurt deeply, but truth will eventually come out, it just sometimes takes an excruciatingly long time for others to see as well. Sometimes, they even DO see, but are never free. But YOU are. And your new friends in the new world you are building for yourself know you for a person of great character! Read More5 Reply Michele1 year agoMicheleYou have amazing strength Howie. Thank you for sharing such a powerful memory. 6 Reply Ose1 year agoOsePlease excuse my long post, if you would be willing to read to the end of it. I cannot recall a situation where showing vulnerability shifted a difficult situation. I can only recall situations where I exposed myself, felt vulnerable and then it went into a disaster. The worst was after the first sexual contact with a man I fell in love with. He belonged to a completely different culture and while I was hoping somehow to be merging in love with him, he just tested my still be virgin or not and...Please excuse my long post, if you would be willing to read to the end of it. I cannot recall a situation where showing vulnerability shifted a difficult situation. I can only recall situations where I exposed myself, felt vulnerable and then it went into a disaster. The worst was after the first sexual contact with a man I fell in love with. He belonged to a completely different culture and while I was hoping somehow to be merging in love with him, he just tested my still be virgin or not and that was it. Then a colleague of him whom I knew just superficially came to the pub where I had met him and said that I now would be the wife of this man, as I had proved to be virgin to him. It was terrible for me to have been approached in public by a stranger about this intimate moment in such a disrespectful way. Some weeks later, a woman went to my parents, saying I could take her husband and in addition their three kids also, as her husband would only drink alcohol by now. He had never mentioned that he was married and that he already was father to three kids, probably knowing or sensing that then, no further intimate contact would have been. About a year later, when I finally had managed to open up again towards men, I had spent an evening dancing with my boyfriend, when the former “lover” appeared with a knife, threatening my boyfriend and me, saying that I would be his. Probably, such stories are less rare than commonly thought, as it is extremely painful to confess such trauma and the resulting difficulties arising from it to open up to a loving relationship. Any comments, provocations or ways of being belittled related to my inability, which to some extent is lasting until today, has been extremely painful. So if you want to know about my most vulnerable “secret”, this is it. I am aware that the disaster to a large extent was due to the extremely different culture we both had been imprinted by, and in this sense, no one is “guilty”, but knowing this did not alter my deeply hurt feeling and my relation with men have been difficult latest since then. Does it alter something to express it here? I don´t know. May be. The question led to share it with you, trusting somehow that it will turn out to be ok. Happy Easter, you all who visit and who share here. Read More6 Reply Cathie1 year agoCathieOse, Happy Easter to you too..,My Easter wish for you is that being vulnerable here-with us, may help you in your healing process. 5 Reply Ose1 year agoOseThank you, dear Cathie, for your warm Easter wish. And thank you for being here with me and all of us, sharing so regularly. 3 Reply Mica1 year agoMicaDear dear Ose, I can see why you have written some of the things you have written in the past! How horrible and sad. Thank you for sharing. There is some prayer – May you be well, may all be well … – what else can I say? 5 Reply Ose1 year agoOseThank you, dear Mica, for your being with me and us all. Your warmhearted reply is balm and solace to me. 4 Reply Mica1 year agoMicaOh, thank you, Osa. My problems were much different from yours and hardly noticeable by comparison, but I’ve wondered how my life was changed by them. 3 Reply Holly in Ohio1 year agoHolly in OhioDear Ose, thank you so much for sharing this significant piece of your life! I don't agree that culture excuses the deceit done to you, or forgives them that you were treated as if a possession. You are today much more than the trauma you suffered. It has affected you, but YOU get to decide what it will mean in your life. It is very fortunate that not all men are like that way, and if you choose to keep trying and growing, I believe you will prevail. You are strong, Ose. I feel honored that yo...Dear Ose, thank you so much for sharing this significant piece of your life! I don’t agree that culture excuses the deceit done to you, or forgives them that you were treated as if a possession. You are today much more than the trauma you suffered. It has affected you, but YOU get to decide what it will mean in your life. It is very fortunate that not all men are like that way, and if you choose to keep trying and growing, I believe you will prevail. You are strong, Ose. I feel honored that you shared your story with us. Today is a new beginning. I hope you enjoy your day. Read More5 Reply Ose1 year agoOseThank you dear Holly in Ohio for your compassionate post. Already during the course of the day, after having found the courage to be visible with my shame and pain and again while trying to reply to you who were so kind to speak up or reply to it, the pain has lessened to quite some extent, and I guess most probably this is due to having allowed to be seen vulnerable in one of the deepest wounds, encouraged by the question and the kindness which is present by all of you who share here. At presen...Thank you dear Holly in Ohio for your compassionate post. Already during the course of the day, after having found the courage to be visible with my shame and pain and again while trying to reply to you who were so kind to speak up or reply to it, the pain has lessened to quite some extent, and I guess most probably this is due to having allowed to be seen vulnerable in one of the deepest wounds, encouraged by the question and the kindness which is present by all of you who share here. At present, it feels to me that this is one important step to let go of the old pain. Thank you for your wishes. Happy Easter to you also, my dear friend. Read More3 Reply Michele1 year agoMicheleThank you for sharing such a deep and painful memory Ose. It shows your courage and being very brave. Happy Easter to you as well. 6 Reply Ose1 year agoOseThank you, dear Michele, for lending your ear and your heartfelt reply. 3 Reply Howie Geib1 year agoHowie GeibOse, thank you. This question sparked a painful memory for me as well, and as is my habit I read the response others have posted after drafting my own.. I do not have wisdom or healing around these deeply guarded experiences and yet, in fact, trusting this place with it allows for the sunlight. And this fact alone makes it worthwhile. It may not remove the pain or even a little alter it, and yet it weakens the power of the trauma, I truly hold onto that fact. So thankyou for being brave enou...Ose, thank you. This question sparked a painful memory for me as well, and as is my habit I read the response others have posted after drafting my own.. I do not have wisdom or healing around these deeply guarded experiences and yet, in fact, trusting this place with it allows for the sunlight. And this fact alone makes it worthwhile. It may not remove the pain or even a little alter it, and yet it weakens the power of the trauma, I truly hold onto that fact. So thankyou for being brave enough to bring this gift to the altar on Easter Sunday. Read More6 Reply Ose1 year agoOseThank you for your warm and encouraging reply, dear Howie. I am deeply grateful for your very personal support and sharing today. May it be so that the power of the trauma lessens. How I wish for my fellow people to be able and to find support to process possible deeply painful experiences, too. Happy Easter to you, dear friend. 3 Reply EJP1 year agoEJPShowing vulnerability during this pandemic has brought new, kind people into my life, opened new doors that I never knew existed and has shown me the great strength and courage that I have within. 6 Reply Kevin1 year agoKevinActually, it depends greatly on the situation at hand. In certain circumstances, showing one’s vulnerability can place one in harm’s way. In other situations, allowing one’s vulnerability to be visible to those around you lays bare the awareness of our common humanity, and that can change hearts and minds instantly for the better. 9 Reply Maeve1 year agoMaeveCan you give a specific example? 3 Reply My Private Gratitude Journal Write an entry in your private gratefulness journal Get Started This site is brought to you by A Network for Grateful Living, a 501(c)(3) nonprofit. All donations are fully tax deductible in the U.S.A. DONATE https://gratefulness.org/content/uploads/2015/03/GX-Gold-Participant-L.png Community Engagement Guidelines Privacy Policy [email protected] Connect with us on Social Media: © 2000 - 2022, A Network for Grateful Living Website by Briteweb