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Daily Question, January 26

If I were to pause for a few seconds before speaking, how might it change my relationships?

  • Malag

    I’m pretty reticent anyway so for me it’s probably the reverse: I could pause a bit less. .

    • Holly in Ohio

      Speaking has a place, too. Speaking up for injustices. Giving encouragement. Indicating that you hear someone. And very important, allowing yourself a voice.

  • KC

    Wow – I wonder how my day would have unfolded had I read this question first!? This is such an important and helpful practice. On the other hand, sometimes a few seconds is nowhere near enough.

    A few found words I liked recently – remember to breathe… to feel … to care … and yes – to pause … Maybe speaking is overrated.

    🙂

  • Zenith

    I still get in trouble with my mouth and words, but I learned long ago that speaking words of support instead of what I am really thinking, goes a long way toward building peace. I told someone once that communication is more about what we DON’T say than about what we DO say. Kindness always. Many many times I just don’t say anything.

  • Don Jones

    I think it would allow for synchronization with the breath, so encourage flow and greater attention.

  • Vincent-Edward Ciliberti
    This question reminds me of a laughing matter at a local court of justice. The advocate asked multiple questions to the defendant and the defendant kept uttering the same question i.e. "Can you please repeat the question" Untill the judge spoke and told the defendant to reply to the questions. So there you have it. The defendant was definately thinking twice what he was about to reply.. Personally I am in the habit of speaking up what comes to my mind, but while typing reports I tend the make lo...

    This question reminds me of a laughing matter at a local court of justice. The advocate asked multiple questions to the defendant and the defendant kept uttering the same question i.e. “Can you please repeat the question” Untill the judge spoke and told the defendant to reply to the questions. So there you have it. The defendant was definately thinking twice what he was about to reply.. Personally I am in the habit of speaking up what comes to my mind, but while typing reports I tend the make loads of changes, meaning that I ought to carefully pause for a few seconds before speaking.

    Read More
  • Elaine

    Pausing creates the space to respond thoughtfully.
    A thoughtful response can create authentic connection,

    On the other hand, lively flowing spontaneity is fun too!

  • Kristi

    This would be a game changer for my relationships! If I waited before speaking I’d reword many things so they sound appropriate not crass! People would respect what I’d say even more as they would learn that I would think about each comment before saying it. Something I should definitely try!

  • Lauryn

    It would probably change them a lot- I have a tendency to immediately jump to worst case scenario mode…or to be negative, but the truth is things are rarely worst case or *that* bad. The pause is a difficult thing to remember in the moment when emotions take over. But the pause is important as it keeps us from being ruled by emotion.

  • Mike S

    I do pause and otherwise stay in silence a kit when conversing. This presenting allows me to feel deeper into my own being and speak more authentically, as well so feeling the emotions and thoughts of the other with greater insight.

  • Carol

    “The biggest communication problem is that we do not listen to understand, we listen to reply.” Saw this quote on Facebook yesterday but no author was provided. I’ve said for years that the statement, “I hear you” can mean more than “I love you.” I also think that pausing helps me decide if a response is even necessary. It helps me own my intentions in a given situation. Words have power to hurt or to heal.

  • Pam

    A pause would allow me check my attitude before I speak. That annoyance in my tone I have towards my husband sometimes would be hidden better. Funny, I think in all my conversation I do pause, weigh my words, ask myself are these words kind, are they helpful, are they encouraging?…expect my husband. Sometimes he definitely gets the worst of me. Hmm…something to ponder and evaluate today.

  • Holly in Ohio
    When my husband comes home, I go and greet him, glad to see him... and then he opens his mouth and instead of a "hi honey" I get a stream of complaints about work, the roads, what he has to do....like it's all been bottled up in him. Before I know it, something sardonic leaps out of my mouth like it has a mind and legs of its own!!!!! Then I walk away. And this happens too often. But I know, deep down, my husband doesn't mean it like it sounds. He is just a complainer. It is his nature. ...

    When my husband comes home, I go and greet him, glad to see him… and then he opens his mouth and instead of a “hi honey” I get a stream of complaints about work, the roads, what he has to do….like it’s all been bottled up in him.

    Before I know it, something sardonic leaps out of my mouth like it has a mind and legs of its own!!!!! Then I walk away. And this happens too often.

    But I know, deep down, my husband doesn’t mean it like it sounds. He is just a complainer. It is his nature. it is his culture. It doesn’t get him down like it would many of us. To him, he is sharing! And, he’s not likely to change!

    I think it is ME who needs to change! I want that PAUSE so much! I am trying!

    My husband and I truly are all right together. This is just one of those little irritations couples often get with each other, especially after a year of Covid. We’re good, really. I’m laughing right now. WISH ME LUCK TODAY THAT I CAN PAUSE!

    Read More
  • Antoinette

    Pausing before speaking is always smart and I wish as a younger person I knew this or should I say understand it!
    You know how teenagers love to have the last word or feel like they know everything? I would have loved to have the wisdom of stop- look – and go as a young person! Think how much easier life would have been.
    Now we are able to use the present moment as an opportunity to make peace in the world ! Joy!

  • Present Moment

    I am more in touch with my own truth when I pause before speaking, however, it often makes others uncomfortabl.e

  • Trish

    I might never get as word in…haha. I have a lot of “chatter boxes” in my life🙂The truth: people recognize my interest in them when I pause & think about what I’m going to share. I don’t simply come from a place of emotion. It’s a healthy practice.

  • GratefulOne

    LOL. This is a funny one for me because I tend to “listen first, talk second”. In a group of talkers, I find myself listening more than talking. But that being said, of course I have said things I have regretted. Yes, the pause can be very helpful. I imagine it can help and have tried using the pause in other aspects of life also. I feel meditation is like a “pause” in the present moment.

  • Patricia

    It lets the other person know that I have actually been listening to them and not just thinking about what I want to say!

  • devy

    Think before I speak. This is something that I am working on. Often when we blurt out immediate responses it’s a knee jerk reaction to what we see or hear. Taking the time to think, keep calm, meditate on it can prevent us from saying or doing something that we will regret. Sometimes we may realize that it’s not worth saying anything at all as it will not resolve issues.

  • sunnypatti

    I use this to the best of my abilities. To pause is one of my greatest lessons in this life (one of many!). When we pause before we speak, we are granted a quiet breath and this allows our right mind to step in rather than allowing our reactive ego to take action. Results are always better when we pause!

  • Kevin

    The concept of pausing before one speaks is a well known and time proven technique used in mediation and crisis reduction practices. It works when trying to resolve a crisis verbally, and it is effective in improving routine communications between everyday conversations. The real trick is remembering to use it, especially for men!

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