How do you live according to your principles?

expati, Here’s a few examples:

1. When I moved here over a year ago, I met a woman who has become a friend.I observed how kind and caring she is toward others. However, we totally disagree when it comes to politics and when she breached that subject, I told her that I could not agree with her but that didn’t mean that I did not appreciate her as a person. I told her I had witnessed her acts of kindness and admired the way she lives her life and that her friendship was important to me. I said what I meant and meant what I said. We are still friends and I do not have to pretend to be someone I am not.

2. I had entered an empty aisle at the grocery store when a a young woman pushing a cart entered the same aisle from the opposite direction. She was followed by two men who looked to be in their twenties. As they started to pass me, the woman appeared to be scanning the shelf in search of something. One of the men spoke to her with such hatefulness my whole body stiffened. He said, “You stupid, Bitch, you can’t even read” and he pointed at the item for which she was apparently searching. She did not respond to him or react in any way. She just reached out and got the item off the shelf and placed it in the basket with her eyes cast down. It was all I could do not to confront him but if I did, I sensed she would pay later. I had a heavy heart I wanted to challenge him but I knew that my words would not have helped her.

3. I was at a senior feeding site where, before the Pandemic, seniors could gather together to socialize and enjoy a hot-lunch provided by the local Council on Aging. Now only carry-out lunches are available. Seniors gather in the parking lot and practice social distancing as they stand in line to pick up their lunch and take it home to eat. Some wear masks. Some do not.
Yesterday, one woman said, “Do you think we will ever get to sit down and eat together again?” and a man replied, “Not ‘til next year.”
A second woman chimed in with an authoritative tone, “I know the virus is over. They just don’t want to tell us.”
I felt judgment rising in me. I wanted to challenge her statement that the “virus was over.” I wanted to tell her, “That is the stupidest statement I have ever heard.”
Lots of questions and answers were on the tip of my tongue but they were reactive and I wanted to respond instead of react. I did not want to let her statement go but I had to ask myself, “How do I make my point in a non challenging way?”
Finally, I said, “I’m not sure the virus is over. The protests have brought massive amounts of people together. I’m going to wait and see what happens with the virus stats in the next few weeks.”
I did my best to own my thoughts and my feelings and still allow her to have hers. I learned long ago that two people can agree to disagree. It’s possible that both can feel like they have been heard. One does not have to lose so another can win.