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Daily Question, July 8

When have I had an experience of conflict being generative?

  • Dusty Su

    Advocacy for inmates in Thailand, but especially for foreigners whose exchange treaties broke down. We went to war against the impossible and a win-win diplomatic face-saving outcome was achieved. Thousands of inmates went home after years of harsh incarceration for very small crimes.

    • Holly in Ohio

      Yay!

      • Dusty Su

        And Holly, one of the best parts of this story is, most of those who benefited from our actions will never know who was responsible. Isn’t that beautiful?

        • Holly in Ohio

          That is very beautiful. It restores my heart that the “faceless” incarcerated are not alone… that people care, without knowing them personally, without being related. It is very special!

          • Dusty Su

            This was years ago Holly for me. But. There are others who carry on thankfully. I did my “time” for ten years fulltime. Amazing experiences.

  • Ose
    Today the generative act of being reminded to having the choice to decide and catch the moment to open up for ever-present freedom and letting go of the mind´s trying to create its so well-known limiting beliefs and images, which often are followed by emotions and possible corresponding deeds. To just let it be and let go. Freedom begets freedom, if I may transmit it through your expression, dear deVonna. So grateful for your reply below, dear Antoinette. Thank you all who share here. Blessing...

    Today the generative act of being reminded to having the choice to decide and catch the moment to open up for ever-present freedom and letting go of the mind´s trying to create its so well-known limiting beliefs and images, which often are followed by emotions and possible corresponding deeds. To just let it be and let go. Freedom begets freedom, if I may transmit it through your expression, dear deVonna. So grateful for your reply below, dear Antoinette. Thank you all who share here. Blessings.

    Read More
  • Don Jones

    Arguments often finish too early – and that is dangerous. They need to continue until there is a meeting of the minds. Only then will it be generative.

  • Mica

    Yes. 🙌 👍 👏 Here are my macbook’s icons for ‘yes’ – I guess the latest one is that someone said my idea was bad, and I’m mentally composing an email to explain why my idea is good. They say the early Earth was totally covered with a deep layer of molecules from space, and I say there would have been weathering – wind and rain and streams running down from higher elevations that would wash the molecules away in some places, so there would be some mica exposed to the surface 🙂

    • Holly in Ohio

      Lol Mica! 😀

      • Mica

        I just copied my post, starting with ‘they say…’ and pasted it into the email, so it came with the larger font and the smiley face, so that will be eye-catching for him 😜

  • Kimmy

    With myself. Ask the conflicted feelings what is needed. Do that.

  • Lauryn

    Generative…. opening up new vistas, expanding resources, and creating new insights….

    What comes to mind to me is the long drawn up breakup between me and my partner of 12 years which led to me moving across the country with no expectations. I ended up meeting my current partner, we moved in together, and so began a new phase of my life.

  • dcdeb

    A big fight last night ending with apologies. I feel better.

    • Holly in Ohio

      Statistically, couples that argue stay together more than couples that don’t (holding things in can cause resentment). Arguments, like rainstorms, can clear the air. I’m glad you feel better. 🙂

  • Sarah
    I had to first look up generative conflict. I think I am in the midst of this at the moment. It has been ongoing for the last several years. It feels unsettling, the conflict to leave employment that harms my mental health for the economic uncertainty and financial disaster of the last several years. At the root is facing self-hatred and self-sabotaging behaviors. I have had weeks recently with a lot of hope, followed by a crash ... Laying all of these challenges at the foot of my Lord, surrende...

    I had to first look up generative conflict. I think I am in the midst of this at the moment. It has been ongoing for the last several years. It feels unsettling, the conflict to leave employment that harms my mental health for the economic uncertainty and financial disaster of the last several years. At the root is facing self-hatred and self-sabotaging behaviors. I have had weeks recently with a lot of hope, followed by a crash … Laying all of these challenges at the foot of my Lord, surrendering to rest in Love. Changing thought patterns .. to learn to wait and to move forward.
    We live in challenging times, where the corporate takeover of the “world” has left many of us weary of being dismissed, treated like disposable assets to be used and discarded. The truth is love and care are needed. It is time for a re-set; but not the one the globalists conjure. It is a reset of the heart and being ok with humanness.

    Read More
  • BasicMarsh

    I was deeply conflicted in a job I had. I convened a Quaker Clarity Committee (see Parker Palmer) to sort through what I was feeling. Out of that processing, I heard myself give myself permission to look for and take another job that was one of the best decisions of my life.

    • Mica

      Wonderful, BasicMarsh – I was in a group based on a Parker Palmer book at one time.

  • DeVonna
    Violence begets violence. I was subjected to violence from a very young age and it continued throughout my childhood. I left home at 17, thinking the violence would end, but I carried it in my heart. When I had children I had a tendency to be severe in my "discipline". With one child in particular, I was very severe, I was cruel. Eventually my eyes were opened to my cruelty and I began to heal, but I'm afraid it was too late. My cruelty affected my children deeply and does still today. My younge...

    Violence begets violence. I was subjected to violence from a very young age and it continued throughout my childhood. I left home at 17, thinking the violence would end, but I carried it in my heart. When I had children I had a tendency to be severe in my “discipline”. With one child in particular, I was very severe, I was cruel. Eventually my eyes were opened to my cruelty and I began to heal, but I’m afraid it was too late. My cruelty affected my children deeply and does still today. My youngest child has no contact with me, my other two have limited contact. I accept this as the natural product of my actions. I have learned to forgive myself, only recently. I think two of my children have forgiven me and I pray my youngest will one day.

    Read More
    • Holly in Ohio
      Dear DeVonna, That you have grown and changed is apparent by your willingness to be honest and open. How hard it must be, I cannot imagine, and I feel for your heartache. . I can tell you that I had difficult relationships with my parents, and it took years, but got resolved. My mom and dad, each in their own way, came to terms with their demons, and when they could see their part in things, and it made a world of difference to me. They also changed, but just knowing they saw the truth, was ve...

      Dear DeVonna,
      That you have grown and changed is apparent by your willingness to be honest and open. How hard it must be, I cannot imagine, and I feel for your heartache. .
      I can tell you that I had difficult relationships with my parents, and it took years, but got resolved. My mom and dad, each in their own way, came to terms with their demons, and when they could see their part in things, and it made a world of difference to me. They also changed, but just knowing they saw the truth, was very validating for me. I hope for you, too, that your honesty and change will make a difference to your children, especially your youngest. For now you have done all you can do, other than please care for yourself, and know that we your friends, love you.

      Read More
    • Mica

      Dear DeVonna, it’s tragic how we repeat mistakes in how we were parented – there’s some deeper part of ourselves that perpetrates these mistakes that our rational mind would recognize as bad. Do forgive yourself, and may peace be with you –

  • Nelson
    Earlier in my career, I worked at a marketing agency. I was handling some of the higher maintenance accounts. They were beyond terse when speaking. Most days, they were disorganized, and down right nasty to me. Overall, I’m an even-keeled, calm person, who escalates problems through the communication channels. But I remember the instances when, after setting my boundaries, they continued to push buttons. Man, the yelling that came out of my mouth: “You don’t talk to me that way. I refuse t...

    Earlier in my career, I worked at a marketing agency. I was handling some of the higher maintenance accounts. They were beyond terse when speaking. Most days, they were disorganized, and down right nasty to me. Overall, I’m an even-keeled, calm person, who escalates problems through the communication channels. But I remember the instances when, after setting my boundaries, they continued to push buttons. Man, the yelling that came out of my mouth: “You don’t talk to me that way. I refuse to be treated like this. To hell with you!” Something like that. But with profanity. I kinda blanked out. Lol. Anyway, upper management cancelled their contracts because they were using more company resources than allotted for. They caused strife between departments. They were toxic to company culture. I gained a new respect from my coworkers. And I found my strength to stand up for myself.

    Read More
  • Mike S

    Marital conflict comes to mind. Yes in conflicts between my wife and I, I have definitely found many of them generative, but only when I am able to see and authentically own my part in the conflict. That is why marriage is a sacrament according to the church because a dedicated marriage is the way to greater truthfulness and to God.

  • SK
    Conflict can be very diversified. When I sense conflict in me in contact or relationship with another person I have to stop and reflect and examine myself. What are my motives, experiences, expectations, judgments? then, if speaking with that person does not resolve at least the ac of listening to each other with respect, then I step aside. I have that with a friends of mine now. She is oozing negativity, judgment, resentment and discontent and is highly opinionated on all issues without askin...

    Conflict can be very diversified. When I sense conflict in me in contact or relationship with another person I have to stop and reflect and examine myself. What are my motives, experiences, expectations, judgments? then, if speaking with that person does not resolve at least the ac of listening to each other with respect, then I step aside. I have that with a friends of mine now. She is oozing negativity, judgment, resentment and discontent and is highly opinionated on all issues without asking questions or listening to anyone. Sad state in a friendship but then again, maybe we are not meant to be friends.

    Read More
  • sunnypatti
    All of them are generative in some way. Several years back, I was running a small holistic pet food/supplement store. After almost 9 years, I got fired. It was no fault of my own. They actually thanked me for building their business. But I was working for people who were in a cult, and because I wouldn't see their life coach (cult leader), they fired me. I had to shift my life a lot, especially since I was leaving the country for a vacation that very week. My mom, roommate, and others were scare...

    All of them are generative in some way. Several years back, I was running a small holistic pet food/supplement store. After almost 9 years, I got fired. It was no fault of my own. They actually thanked me for building their business. But I was working for people who were in a cult, and because I wouldn’t see their life coach (cult leader), they fired me. I had to shift my life a lot, especially since I was leaving the country for a vacation that very week. My mom, roommate, and others were scared for me, but I wasn’t scared one bit. And in a short period of time, I had a new job, which led to another new job, which led to me meeting my soulmate at the establishment we work at now. Not to mention getting to rise up to the role I’m in, making better money, and meeting new people to enhance the journey. There are so many good things that came of that conflict, including getting a letter of apology from the original owner of that pet store, telling me that they were forced to fire me. She was pushed out of the business she started and ended up retiring to Florida. Our friendship has been renewed, so that’s another great thing 🙂

    Read More
    • Mica

      Thanks, sunnypatti – wow!

      • sunnypatti

        I look back on that experience sometimes and can’t believe it really happened… but it did! And while it sucked momentarily to lose what I thought would be my last career in this lifetime, I can’t imagine it not happening because I wouldn’t be where I am today 🙂

        And that cult leader… he now owns their business. Very grateful to be away from that!

  • Trish

    This is what I’ve learned about conflict: the sooner I stop responding to inner turmoil & invite peace into the situation, the better the outcome. It’s very tricky but there truly is no reason for fear & anger to run the show.

  • devy
    Throughout my life I’ve experienced conflict but the greatest experiences are within me and my conflicts between my Shen and inner child. My Shen or vital energy is the real me, the actual essence of my spirit while my inner child is the one who developed defensive mechanisms in order to survive and protect. Unfortunately, my inner child can be destructive creating conflict. Over the past year I am working on myself to soothe my inner child, to protect him, to acknowledge the conflict but to r...

    Throughout my life I’ve experienced conflict but the greatest experiences are within me and my conflicts between my Shen and inner child. My Shen or vital energy is the real me, the actual essence of my spirit while my inner child is the one who developed defensive mechanisms in order to survive and protect. Unfortunately, my inner child can be destructive creating conflict. Over the past year I am working on myself to soothe my inner child, to protect him, to acknowledge the conflict but to redirect their train of thought to stop the « monkey mind ». It might be a lifelong project but it is worth while for me and the others who surround me.

    Read More
  • Howie Geib
    Conflict and struggle betray underlying differences and these in turn offer opportunities for resolution, which is another word for working something out and coming to agrement, integration. My first powerful experience was in middle school with a bully. I was being bullied and finally it came to a head and I defended myself and got into a fight...in the ruckus we ended up on the ground, and started laughing...he became my best friend after that fight and we were inseparable. It was almost as if...

    Conflict and struggle betray underlying differences and these in turn offer opportunities for resolution, which is another word for working something out and coming to agrement, integration. My first powerful experience was in middle school with a bully. I was being bullied and finally it came to a head and I defended myself and got into a fight…in the ruckus we ended up on the ground, and started laughing…he became my best friend after that fight and we were inseparable. It was almost as if the aggression was a kind of warped expression of attraction

    Read More
  • EJP

    The pandemic brought forth challenges and conflicts beyond words, but produced great knowledge and wisdom of inner strength and resilience.

  • Michele

    Leaving my former employer – finding my dream job – all worked out:)

  • Kevin

    I am a live and let live kind of person, and I think carefully about which “hill” I want to die on over various issues. That said, the most productive conflict situations that I have been involved with that had, over time, a measurable and positive outcome, were ones that I made a commitment to work in and work through until the outcome was favorable. Some took minutes to resolve. Others many months.

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