When I was 8 years old, I got diagnosed with a rare auto immune condition and some doctors told my parents I had 1 year to live. In addition, this condition left horrible scars over my body (my face was spared by the mercy of God). My mum told me she was crying in the bathroom at work one day and a co-worker told her ‘dont worry your daughter will live and an angel will appear in your daughter’s life”. My parents never lost faith. But I always thought I would be spending my life alone, because how could anyone love me with all my scars. Here I am in my mid 40s, with a full life, a good job, wonderful family and friends, a 20 year old son and a husband who I’ve been with since I was 19 years old and who treats me like a princess. Yes, I have been self-conscious and felt ugly my whole life but I have also seen so much love towards me and witnessed first hand how love looks beyond anything. The wonder and awe of how my life unfolded never leaves me. God has a plan we know nothing about. The message of the day that imperfections and flaws dont take away from the wholeness is very relevant to my life. Others see me as whole inspite of my physical imperfections.

I am blunt and direct and have no problem saying I am wrong and wearing my shortcomings on my sleeve. My humor is usually directed towards making fun of myself and my shortcomings. My friends and family often find it comical how I make jokes about myself. However, I tend to express my views about life quite a bit and I need to stop this as my views and my way of thinking that are right for me, may not be right for someone else. I realize that while I speak so passionately about my beliefs and views others are probably just listening politely and not really caring as they believe equally strongly in their own views. I am more mindful of this now and try not to say much at all and let others share their own beliefs instead of me projecting mine.

People come into our lives because our paths were meant to cross. They may stay in our lives for a short time or a long time but there is always something it teaches us whether it’s a friendship, a love relationship, a manager/employee, a parent child, a sister, brother, any kind of relationship involving 2 people. I have learnt the some people have a vast capacity for forgiveness, others don’t. Some are thick skinned, others hurt easily. Some will be there for you at anytime, others at their convenience. Some accept me just as I am, others don’t. I have also seen myself through the eyes of others and learnt about myself through others. I’ve learnt that I have strong will power, am positive and energetic but I’ve also learned I’m impatient, short tempered, stubborn, restless. I treasure everyone who has entered my life whether or not they are still in it and I can still clearly remember things I have learned from them, even though our relationship itself may have been fleeting. Excellent question!

A perfect day when I was a kid was one that involved a picnic. A school picnic, a family picnic, any picnic. Mom packing a picnic lunch, sandwiches, cold drinks, snacks, dad giving me some money to buy ice creams and other treats, getting onto the school bus giddy with excitement, singing songs on the way to the picnic, then picnicking at the beach or the woods and returning home tired, happy and nodding off on the bus home. Later in my teens and early 20s, we would go on overnight cottage trips with friends and this again would be a perfect day/s for me.

My name is Twinkle. I don’t know what my parents were thinking :-). In kindergarten and 1st, 2nd, 3rd grade, every time the class sang Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star, everyone would turn to look at me. It embarrassed me. I grew to love my name though and realized how unique it is. Now every time, I meet someone new, even a busy doctor, they start off by taking time to compliment me on my name and ask about it. Everyone tells me ‘you are the first and only Twinkle I know’. I am told my personality is a lot like my name, energetic, full of life, joyful, goofy. I guess with a name like Twinkle, I cant be a gloomy person, it would just not fit. My nickname is Twinks and I love it when people call me that because I feel nicknames indicate people feel close and comfortable with you. Even my boss calls me Twinks. Friends buy me products (Bath & Body Works, Mugs etc) with the word Twinkle on the especially around the holiday season.My name means everything to me. It was given to me by my parents and chosen with love. I have a younger sister and her name is Star. We asked our parents what prompted them to choose these names in the mid 70s, way way way back in the day before Hollywood popularized these name. My dad said they just wanted to do something different.

A favorite memory is from when I was very young, of my mom, my dad, my sister and I just lying on our parent’s bed and chatting. We would call it our family chit-chats with both my sister and I fighting to place our heads in our mom’s lap. I remember clearly my mum would sigh loudly when she hit the bed and we would always ask her why she did that. She used to say ‘after a long tiring day, it’s so nice to get into bed, a loud sigh is in appreciation of that’. My parents would have to force us to leave the room and go to bed. I now live in a different part of the world from them, on Sunday my sister goes over to see my parents and we video call and have virtual family chit chats. I am an adult now with a 20 year old son and find myself sighing each night when I get into bed :-). Of course my 20 year son and husband wont go for ‘family chit chats’ but I love the occasional times we do spend chatting for hours in various parts of the house.

I’m sitting here thinking of how I can have more integrity and a few things come to mind:
1. Say what you mean and mean what you say.
2. Examine your motives before you act or speak. Have a conversation with yourself first about what you’re going to say and do and if it passes your inner value test then verbalize them out loud.
3. Using our own moral compass when living, speaking, behaving and not getting pulled away by other factors. Like a boat that has an anchor grounding it, having integrity means drifting or moving only to the degree the rope is anchoring me to the ground and feeling that rope tug me back to stop me from drifting with the currents and tides.
Now that I’m able to answer the question, I have to follow what I’ve written and remember these things everyday.