Not much lately. The pandemic took its tole as did depression for many years. I have found it difficult to get a momentum going in doing anything. Therapy ended and had little effect anyway. It was a long time overdue to end. I take pictures and funny videos of my kitten and send it to relatives and watch tv. I have lost interest in many things and hope that my life will open up again. I’m here to work on gratitude to counteract whatever is preventing me from making the best of life. It’s not easy to write this. I’m not here to pretend.

Get rid of debt. Let no debt remain outstanding except to love one another. Romans 13:8 A friend just got locked out of owning an apartment due to dept to income. I didn’t know what that meant so I looked it up. It showed me that I must reduce a credit card debt in order to increase my credit score in the event I plan to move at some point. It was a wake up call to me. When you know better you do better. I can do better and I must. Anything that weighs me down I must do my best to conquer. I don’t know what the future holds but I’d like to be ready for anything.

When I was young I was a dancer/yoga instructor. I majored in dance education in college and became a dance teacher in secondary school. Since retirement in 2012 i haven’t been working out much or dancing and have put on some weight so I’d have to say my whole body is in need of attention. I have a magnet on my refrigerator that says, “It’s never too late to create a new body”. I need to listen to that advice even at 65. After becoming an acupuncturist 11 years ago I know better and need to put into practice what I know on many levels and take nothing for granted.

Gratefulness is why we show up for each other especially when it might feel awkward. I went to a another wake yesterday. A friend of mine’s son crashed his car and died. He was 24. I knew his father not his mother or grandmother. When I went to give my condolences to the women, they both said they were grateful I came and that it meant a lot to them. Moments earlier when I asked a friend sitting next to me if the women in front of us was the boys mother she said yes and not to bother going up to her. I went anyway without hesitation. Both the mother and grandmother were appreciative. I don’t know why my friend said not to go up to them. It was the right thing to do. Maybe because they didn’t speak english well. Even so both said thank you we are grateful I came. That hit me. I didn’t even know them. When I sat down I noticed most people were friends of the father and not many people were going up to the women. I’m glad I did. I think gratitude is a shared response and not something done in isolation. I’m not sure. All I know is I’m glad I went and didn’t just pray for them at home like I wanted to since I didn’t know any of them well. My heart was moved and looking into the eyes of the women touched my soul.

Yesterday I found out that a man I knew who was in recovery for 15 years died of a sudden heart attack. He was known for helping many others who were sick and suffering. A man who he sponsored for 9 years wrote a tribute to him and asked for donations for his burial on a go fund me site. They met at an intervention that was set up on his horse and buggy ride in Central Park when he was at his bottom. That meeting changed his life. Not only was he grateful for his mentorship but made him the best man at his wedding. He praised him for his devotion to helping others and his friendship every time he spoke at an AA meeting. He is paying tribute to his sponsor by a last horse a buggy ride that will end at the funeral home. So far $24,000 has been collected by friends and loved ones.

In AA they use the phrase, “progress not perfection”. I used to think I was an alcoholic but what I was was looking for connection and relief from anxiety/depression and loneliness. Russel Brand has a program using the AA principles for everything not just addiction. I don’t know if that crossed your path but he uses humor and his experience in recovery. I find his work fun and enlightening. We are all in recovery from one thing or another on the path to becoming our best self. Anxiety/depression has been the underlying cause of most of my suffering. Some days are better than others. Thank God its just one day at a time. Keep up the good work! There is light at the end of the tunnel. Like Carol is saying, we are not what we think we are, we are so much more. We may share the human condition but we are not one size fits all.

I like the Maya Angelou quote, “When we know better we do better”. So more power to ya, have a great day. It is one day at a time. Progress not perfection.