Here is a poem, it is actually… A reply DASKALOS gave to a participant in the audience after she asked why her efforts to effect a “healing” on another person didn’t cause what she intended. It came out poetically and made it easier to explain to her that she / and any other Human / cannot be a “Healers” but they can to an instrument / channel / by which the Holy Spirit and Logos can do their work if it is karmically appropriate on that other person. I take free, I give free, And God is looking after me.” DASKALOS ( London, 1993 04 25 )

Dear Maryke, Your questions here feel deeply personal and suggest (to me) a sort of grief in not experiencing a sense of connection to the aliveness often expressed in these pages. I realize we (on the Gratefulness Team) are ill-prepared to support such an exploration here but we can say that we hear you and feel moved and tender upon reading your questions. We encourage you to find a caring professional who you might explore such questions with in person, and wonder if, in the meantime, Jeff Collin’s response to a site visitor in the post linked to below may offer some light. We hope you might find some sense of connection and aliveness in our community, where everyone belongs. With care, Saoirse on behalf of the Gratefulness Team https://gratefulness.org/resource/when-a-loved-one-dies/

Hello Creek, Br. David has often said that there are many things that we can’t be grateful *for* — certainly depression/C-PTSD could be included in that list (along with war, violence, etc.) — but that it may be helpful to open to the possibility that we can be grateful for an *opportunity* that the situation may provide. “Healing comes when you see the opportunity for growth that a painful situation has provided.” I love that you write “But I can appreciate that tears can be a cathartic release.” This simple acknowledgement of appreciating the cathartic release of tears is beautiful and points to the part of you which is already open to opportunity. You ask about other places on the site, and perhaps by now you have explored further and found some articles, videos, Q&As, poetry, or practices that have been helpful. I like Sheila’s encouragement to click on ‘explore’ and then visit ‘new to gratefulness.org?’ to orient yourself. We encourage you to roam around, there’s a lot here! Also under ‘explore’ you can click on ‘Areas of interest’ and there you will find an area called ‘healing the mind’ which may be helpful. Lastly, many in our community have told us how comforting they find our ‘Light a Candle” feature which can be found in the list under ‘Practice.’ Sometimes sitting quietly with an intention and ‘lighting’ a candle can soothe or transform a moment. In fact, I’m going to go there now to light a candle for you. It will ‘burn’ for 24 hours and will carry my wish that you find peace. With all well wishes to you, dear Creek, from Saoirse on behalf of the gratefulness team.