All of the participants in my Twelve Step programme have rekindled my inner light at every meeting I have ever attended for more than 3 decades. Some have taught me what to do and others have taught me what not to do and both are equally valuable. Even if my day wasn’t entirely a dark one (mainly bright with periods of darkness rising from the depths of my skewed perception of the world and myself might be a daily forecast!), I have never left a meeting without an overwhelming attitude of gratitude for the miraculous recovery in others and myself.

I express this gratitude by continuing to attend meetings to help those who want it, to be an example of progress and not perfection, and to try to live the words of the Third Step Prayer:
God,
I offer myself to Thee
To build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt.
Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will.
Take away my difficulties,
That victory over them may bear witness
To those I would help of Thy Power,
Thy love and Thy way of life,
May I do Thy will always!

During the initial coronavirus lockdown from March to July/August, I carefully observed all of the restrictions and the recommended personal safety precautions (which, inexplicably, did not include the wearing of masks), other than the one that said not to go outside if you’re over 70. When I had to go into shops for groceries, I wore disposable gloves. I was in a social bubble with just one person visiting/being visited. I didn’t find it onerous but put myself on a total news fast and used the time for painting, reading, writing and the deepening of spiritual practices. I did a lot of proofreading and researched and wrote legal papers to help a friend. I was busy!. I knew no-one who got the virus, and didn’t even know anyone who knew anyone who got it.

Fast-forward to the outbreak of the second wave, which resulted in a re-implementation of a partial lockdown in October. The incidence rate in Ireland became the lowest in Europe, with the majority of cases occurring in cities and the counties bordering Northern Ireland, which, being part of the UK, had a different and much laxer set of rules. Without a hard border, the two-way flow of people is significant.These restrictions were lifted at the beginning of December, and, predictably, another surge of cases took place and, as a result between Christmas Eve and December 31st, new and even stricter rules are in place or are about to be. But until 31st, no outright ban on visiting others is in place, although recommendations as to the number of people present, and the number of households mixing were given. I had a couple of socially distanced meet ups with a few people individually in the last couple of weeks, but on two occasions I was shocked that I was hugged. Being polite, I accepted them without a fuss but with a quiet comment only. On Christmas Eve I was invited to a ‘family’ dinner by friends who knew I was on my own. I was hugged on arrival by the wife, and, to my surprise others from their extended family showed up. It transpired that a few of them had been shopping in the city in the last few days. They didn’t ask me whom I had been in contact with and I didn’t ask them. Still being polite.

I had a lovely Christmas Day dinner with a friend who assured me we would be distanced – which we were until I was leaving, when he gave me a hug. In the evening I spent a lot of time with my ‘bubble-mate’, but didn’t ask where the people he had visited had been or with whom because, like me, he would have been too polite to ask. Today I had planned a visit to my friend Ian in a town on the coast where I would have walked on the beach and then be treated to a beautiful meal in a house so exquisite that it has frequently been featured in decorating magazines. His brother and family in the same town have Covid, although he hasn’t been in direct contact with them, but he did spend 10 hours in a hospital a few days ago in preparation for major surgery that is so specialised and dangerous that it might have to be done in Germany. I was so looking forward to seeing him (possibly for the last time) and another good friend who was coming too with her daughter, a teacher in Dublin, who is home for the holidays. So nice – so normal – to see them all at this time of year.

And then a thought struck me. It’s not what I and those in my circle and they and their circles are doing today that will keep us all virus-free, it’s what we all did in the last 2 weeks. And there is no possible way of knowing that. I have been too lax and too polite to challenge others, and so have they.

So I called Ian and explained why I wasn’t coming. He began to guilt me out. The table – which is always a work of art for even non- Christmas meals – was set, he had been up very early to prepare the food etc.

And I stopped being polite.

I explained again why I wasn’t coming and, thankfully, he finally understood what I was saying – that I know that I have a responsibility to keep us all safe. So I have messaged everyone to tell them that I will meet for walks, but otherwise I am self-isolating for the foreseeable future.

Please forgive me. This has been a bit of a rambling post before I get to answering today’s question, but I needed to write to reflect and get clarity.

By listening to others – the scientists in particular – I create the possibility (and probability) of remaining healthy.

I have loved the year 2020 with all its challenges, which resulted in an increase in self-knowledge, peace, love, joy and gratefulness. A change of year won’t bring anything better than that, but with my thinking, feeling and actions all congruent in fully human mode, further expansion can and will take place. I wish the same for you all.

Blessings on us all. xx