Again an inspiration to write from the beach. An evening walk during high tide so my dog is connected to me via a leash. Connected to keep him close so he doesn’t get taken by the waves crashing on shore. Of course this is my time to connect with the present moment as well as connect to this beautiful place that I get to live in. While walking I see a jellyfish. Beautiful and vibrant that has washed up on the shore. I’m reminded of a story about a little boy who keeps putting the starfish back in the ocean…I think from the course of miracles…anyway…I decide I should help him back to sea as well. I found a rock to help me pick him up. I scoop him and ready to toss him back into the ocean to find that his tentacles were attacked or connected to a large peace of kelp. Scoping the two together I set them back To reconnect with the sea. So much connecting!! Delish!!

How perfect is it that this is a repeat from day one. I don’t know if that was intended… But I do know that as the day changed so did the relevance of entitlement.
Yesterday was the first thanksgiving that I have ever had without family. Due to the lost of parents, births and even adoptions. Instead… We went to a friends house to celebrate the day. Everyone brought something and the food was delicious and we were touched to be invited. My kids (20 and 17) made it very obvious they didn’t want to be there. Although we went to bed with full bellies, I was filled with sadness and frustration wishing my kids would have cooperated, smiled, chatted, or even helped. At the very least not create resistance. I woke with the same heavy heart and reluctantly opened my email knowing I would most likely have to give up the story that I created that was fueling my anger. Grrrrr
entitlement…again…and then a call to deepen…as I let it deepen the tears started as a mirror appears showing me my role in the day. And how my inability to let things just happen naturally stole some of the joy out of the air.
I watched as my kids felt out of place and over dressed for a feast that is usually more casual and filled with laughter. I chose to critique their dress and their manners which now in hindsight… Just feels icky and out of touch with the meaning of the holiday. I watched they they too were sad to be at a table without their grandparents and cousins.
Story changed anger replaced with tears…mrrrr