I’d have less apologizing to do. Depending on what the other person said, my response can be immediate. Although a response may be ‘true’, it isn’t necessarily kind. The Dali Lama says we always have the option to be kind. A pause creates space where kindness can enter. My dad also told me: ‘some things don’t need saying’.
Listening is an art when practiced well, involves total focus, specific communication techniques, and attention to non-verbal cues. We don’t always meet this standard for many reasons including time constraints. When I listen like this, besides understanding the person better, it deepens the relationship. We grow closer.
Two kinds of waiting as I see it. Little waits: (i.e. at the DMV) – plan for this with distraction: check e-mail/read a book, etc. Big waits: recovering from illness, pursuing a long-range plan- require patience, pacing, & perserverance. Being mindful is the key – staying in the ‘now’ – where everything actually happens.
Beaches of Maui – Redwood Forests of California. Rocky Mountains. Oceans, forests, or mountains. Nature.
I’m taking one tonight. Fall down 7 times get up 8.
Human ‘wants’ are endless; a bottomless pit. Focusing on wants we will feel empty. Needs are different. Freud said we need 3 things to be happy: 1. someone or something to love. 2. meaningful work. 3. something to look forward to. A lack in one of these 3 can create psychic pain, which will propel us to find solutions.
Dear Debra, thank you, it’s very kind of you to share this with me. The gratefulness community is a self-selecting group, and we may have a number of empaths here. It’s not that we feel we are special or better than anyone. Quite the opposite. Watching the original Star Trek as a teenager I wished I could be Mr. Spock. I now understand that emotions can be our trusted guides. Empaths are susceptible to outside influences more than most, which creates vulnerability. No one ...
Dear Debra, thank you, it’s very kind of you to share this with me. The gratefulness community is a self-selecting group, and we may have a number of empaths here. It’s not that we feel we are special or better than anyone. Quite the opposite. Watching the original Star Trek as a teenager I wished I could be Mr. Spock. I now understand that emotions can be our trusted guides. Empaths are susceptible to outside influences more than most, which creates vulnerability. No one can go through life with ‘shields up’ all the time, too exhausting to always be guarded, but for an empath the lesson is that it is O.K. to have ‘shields up’ at times. We have the right to self-protect. A giving and open heart is a gift, but it needs careful handling.
I hope the book helps. Bless you Debra.
Thanks Kevin for bringing up the other side of listening. The Ying and Yang of life.
When we are under pressure, we need to connect with our coping strategies, and sometimes that involves fast food. Sometimes having to cook a meal is just one more thing on the to-do list and we need to be as expedient with it as possible. It’s O.K.!
Dear Kevin, A lack of clarity? This is a quandary. Perhaps another way to think about this is that you probably possess a beginners’ mind. To be open to whatever is next. If one is totally certain about all things, then where is the space to learn anything new? One is full up. So to have an unexplained longing, may mean you are ready for a new adventure? Just a thought …
Samuel, You have self-insight. There is great diversity in humanity including how we experience emotions. Many people don’t realize they are empaths. Being an empath is not like being clairvoyant, rather its about feeling your emotions more intensely than most, and having the ability to truly feel what others are feeling.
Empaths are highly sensitive people who find it difficult to shield themselves from pain. I experience life intensely as well and I know you aren’t ...
Empaths are highly sensitive people who find it difficult to shield themselves from pain. I experience life intensely as well and I know you aren’t making up anything.
You are compassionate by nature, so you recognize that others have suffered, which is true, but it is also true that you may be more deeply affected by loss than others. There is no right or wrong in this, it just is.
When you are able to come up for air, when you can contemplate the idea of feeling better, you might check out this book: The Empath’s Survival Guide – Life Strategies for Sensitive People by Judith Orloff, MD. This book helped me a lot. If what I have said resonates, hold it close to your heart, if in any way it is disturbing, than please set it aside and let it go. I mean no harm. Take care Samuel.
Dear Samuel, It sounds like you’ve suffered a major loss. Grief, as you said, cannot be ignored. Moving ahead after a drastic unwanted change, is one of the hardest life-tests there is. We, your faith community have heard you; like others I pray for you. The depth of your grief is a reflection of how deeply you love. No words will fix this, it’s going to take time. Remember you are loved, and try to let others help.
Thank you Mica, such a balanced perspective. I will check out “the Shadow”. Although optimism can be unrealistic, even naive, I suppose I interpret optimism to be a state of hopefulness. I never expect life to turn out as I “want” it to, but I do hope for outcomes which I can cope with, and even better, which will raise the human condition.
Thank God for you Beata, those who share their faith with others on a daily basis bring light into the world. Thank you for this.
Yes Mica, I too need reminders to use this technique, I don’t use that frequently, but it really helps in a ‘crisis’ and with PTSD.
You are most welcome. Stay strong.
Beata, you must know your Bible really well … now I have to get out mine and read the fifth Gospel, so you’ve given me a little mission today. Thank you. Re-reading this I remember there are only 4 Gospels, ah well, it is after all 4:30 a.m. My day starts with humor!
Antoinette, nicely said – so many of our experiences are about ‘letting go’. I’m learning more and more about not trying to make things work. Often when things fall apart, all you can do is observe. It is what it is. Thanks for sharing.
Christina, sounds like you’ve been going through a tense time. Recognizing that you want to feel more calm is good. Staying connected to your support system (as you are doing by sharing your concerns) I believe will help. Knowing that others have been through the uncertainty that you are experiencing, helps you not feel alone in this. We are all on this journey together. Remember to breathe.
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