I almost never draw anymore. My guitars hang on the wall and collect dust, my brewing equipment adds to the clutter in the house by taking up storage space that’s probably better used for more practical implements. The bees in the backyard fly in and out of a hole in a box whether I’m there to tend to them or not. At some point (diabetes. . . cough!) the things that I was passionate about each became just chores. Passion comes and goes.

Now I have to find sustained and lasting peace in my heart. There is no other option. If I can wake that in the hearts around me, so much the better. Here in the evening of my life, what am I dedicated to nurturing, promoting, and projecting in to this beautiful world that seems to be hurting so much? What can I do to ease and facilitate the painful birth of the next world to follow?

I received a compliment on my “style” the other day from an attractive young co-worker. This woman is literally half my age and has a keen interest in fashion design. Not being exactly good at accepting compliments and rarely hearing such from someone so gorgeous in their own right, I side stepped her remarks, saying that style is for “fancy” people and that my messy hair, Native American bead choker, bandana, raggedy old concert t-shirt, and billowing Thai fisherman pants were nothing more than a minimalist accident of dealing with myself. Damn, I hope I didn’t discourage her. Her compliments that day have been the sugar in my morning coffee ever since.

Why would we even settle for “small kindnesses”? Just put it all out there! Are we expected to be some sort of extra in the movie of our own lives? We’re the author, the director, executive producer, the lead role and star, the gaffers and film crew, set and lighting designers, audio and effects editors, the real and present audience who come here to witness this collaborative drama, horror, suspense, action-adventure. . . . love story, play out in the theatre of the Magnificent Now. This is not a dress rehearsal. I promise you, life’s nothing short of our very hearts revealed!

Our possibilities are, indeed, realized in conversation. We have the right to remain silent. Anything we say can and will be used against the barriers we’ve maintained against loving one another and actualizing our connection to everyone around us. We all bring with us the love of divine creation to this life but too many lose our way in service to a false identification with ego. Our efforts to such ends are never enough, often fall short and build resentment. With the accumulation of the emotional residue of fear and anger we forget who we are and why we’re here. Given enough evidence and time I will reveal the Christ in anyone who dares to enter into this conversation with me. No small talk

I will always reach out to you, my little one. . . oh, my Love. Life is so lonely in your absence. I cannot go back and correct my errors; I cannot move forward through this crushing doubt. Tears wash away but so much grime from the past and the light of catharsis illuminates but so far through my shadows. Here in the stillness and silence of darkness I can only accept what is, come to understand this feeling of neglect turned inward, to understand what I gave away and forgive. And then forgive. And forgive. Please forgive me. . .