Almost every morning. That first cup of coffee, sheathed by both hands, persuading me to come into my body.. The day, like a still and calm pond stretched out before me in my rowing scull, reassuring me to lean in and feel our ease.

Or the small pile of gifts accumulating from family for the morning of the 25th, foreshadowing each small carefully wrapped package by reading the tags, written in the recognizable scrawl of family and friends.

Sitting on my sofa in the late afternoon as the setting sun washes the room with a glow knowing that I have everything I need.

The everyday accomplishments, folded laundry delivered to their proper drawers and shelves, the smell and feel of clean sheets that night. A clean kitchen in the morning. New bars of soap in the shower. All affirming the sense of place and homeliness.

In end, all the small vignettes that strung together make a life that I have the time and inclination to notice, to acknowledge, to engage in rather than endure.

The debris field of wounded people that make up our country right now. And how it seems that the vast majority of the wounds are self inflicted (especially my own). This all more or less seeps into everything. As a response I do a couple of things. Tonglen for one, practicing since 2003 as an aspect of my walking meditation. I also stop hurting myself when I discover I am doing that. It usually starts in a hidden way (hidden to me). But sooner or later I realize it’s going on and put a stop to it. Dismantling ego (mind), by that I mean not using that lens as much as I might as the way to see the world. Choosing instead to see through the heart.

That I am responsible for my feelings. They are not inflicted on me from third parties. They are responses to various perturbations to be sure, but the nature of the responses and their intensity are home grown. I am not a victim in regards to my emotions. By this I do not mean to say that I have power over them. On the contrary, they are highly influential on my lived experience. Metaphorically, I see them like this: If I were the planet earth, my feelings are the weather. As we are seeing our actions impact the weather, same with my feelings. Their intensity and potential for disruption are increased to an extent by my behaviour. My actions as well as my attitudes. By what I consume physically (food and drink) and mentally (media). The profound shift that occurred upon learning this lesson liberated me from self imposed bonds of all kinds. And I was no longer afraid of people. I could trust more, For that I am very grateful indeed.

One way is through my various small actions that are filed under ‘discipline’. Exercising for example, is in a sense obligatory in gratitude for having a healthy body. I feel it is only right that I do my part out of gratitude for that. Otherwise I would be taking it for granted with all kinds of potential consequences as a result. I keep my home neat and organized, again, in gratitude for having a home and wanting its ‘state’ to reflect my gratitude for that. So the discipline, and then the obedience comes in on an ethical side. I am obedient to my values as an actionable form of being true to my spirit which I am grateful for having the awareness I can muster.

There are a couple aspects in the “how” of it. Basically we are dealing with, on some level, energy. Life is constantly moving. Even though it may seem still, and static, it definitely is not. And at some point in the understanding of this we can decide to control and manipulate it, which is futile of course, and frustratingly annoying. Then, the how, is noticing it is a series of patterns that are dependable, like the tide, and the seasons. They are unavoidable. And this is a reason to celebrate as we can know that in this passing through good comes. It arrives in surprising ways.

There is this neighborhood here called Victoria Park. Nestled in the midst of downtown Fort Lauderdale. A quiet corner with lovely old trees and small houses with walled gardens. Many times during my work day I purposely drive through and open all the windows so I can small the plants and hear the many birds, including parrots. There are usually many people dogs walking humans and a small park where in the morning there is a yoga class…It is such a felt sense of ‘place’. I truly feel replenished after just a few minutes