Faith and hope, never too much of that around. Generosity of spirit with me as the recipient especially from unexpected quarters.

But, I lament the loss of, and deeply long for the return of a muse. Any muse will do! They are like a dance partner that brings out the best moves and conjures the rhythm in me, like the ideal rower in a double shell who sets the pace and inspires me to push through. The hiking partner who knows the path, the guide whose expression of childlike delight breeds enthusiasm within me. With them around I forget to eat, to sleep as the gates from the spirit are breached and my hand, emboldened, commits it to paper and there I see a revealed story that needed to be told.

Full expression… interesting term. There is a very strong resistance within me to fire off prematurely. There are gifts to be sure. And yet in their raw form often insufficient and need to be built upon, honed, practiced and refined in order to not do more harm than good. It’s like having a firearm in my possession and just going out the door each day looking for something to shoot at. So I guess what I am saying is that I steward my gifts. I hold them as something to use when called upon. My gifts do not define me as much as I would like them to. Knowing they are gifts is something that acknowledges my detachment from them.

Look. Life has, for me, demanded restraint, reflection, and a very strong need to gain humility. SO much so that I have need to engage in discernment before action about my motives. Not because I am dishonest as much as I dwell so much of the time on the borders of fantasy, delusion. The evidentiary value of doing this is clear. I am a tool not a craftsman.

Goals. Almost any goal will do. It seems having something to aim for is the ingredient that consistently motivates me. The bigger the goal, the more of a stretch the better. Vagueness in this area is not helpful. A number of some kind, something measurable and manifested in the world (like a house). The challenges can energize me, and yet they are not always goals and the energy is sometimes more akin to anxiety. In facing challenges though I can make incremental goals which help manage that and allow me to proceed and strategize. This is the way I engage the world and others most comfortably.

It is a matter of focus which allows me to examine the challenge with intensity. This tends to reveal my choices of response in a way that I can see various potential outcomes in light of my values and how I intend to define myself through my behavior. It involves a deepening and requires an ability to gather oneself in crises and calmly formulate and execute a course of action. This is not natural for me. I am in such moments resisting instinctual desires of fight or flight, fear and anger. I find the best preparation in advance is the practice of recollection on a regular basis.

“The Buddha called recollection “the only way.” Quite simply, recollection is remembering to establish the attention with full awareness on the present, on the here and now, so that you may reunite with reality and find your own true being.”– BHIKKHU MANGALO

I have had the good fortune of a vocation of sorts. And when that became apparent to me, very unlike me, I decided to investigate it through the acquisition of a spiritual director. All made possible through my having a hunch (since childhood) that there is a lot more going on here than meets the eye. Culminating in bringing me to a small clearing in the woods where I built a hermitage and chapel by hand and lived as a solitary for some years. A book is in there somewhere. But the point I wanted to make is that now, living in Florida, driving an Uber, I can close my eyes (or not) and go back there in an instant. I go there in my mind when I am sitting down to write (this now). So two experiences really: Building and living in the hermitage, and relinquishing it. Breathe in, breathe out.

Reconciliation is an art. It takes courage to face whatever outcomes are revealed. And a willingness to surrender control. The reconciliation required of me today is the measure between what I presume my life is and what it actually is. To recognize the borders that I would rather keep blurry. The limitations and constrictions demanded for the dignity of others. To be less judgmental in all things, and to give wide berth to others. A side of hospitality that is uncomfortable at times: To welcome misfortune, take it into account, and carry on.

Well first of all. Intentionally veiled. So the question begs a degree of conjecture. I speak of its definitive being. That we speak of it at all is its presence in our lives…its unmistakable effect. And while we do not control it, it is something we must acquiesce to for it to be manifest on our lives on some level. I often write here metaphorically as I am a storyteller. Grace is observable in my opinion. A flurry of birds, hundreds of them alternatively climbing and diving, darting one direction and then another….a school of fish…they are working together (the individual will is secondary to the will of the group) and they are guided by something bigger than them.

Beauty in all its forms, as manifested in living things. Trees and flowers, butterflies wafting about. Ospreys soaring above my boat watching me in curiosity. Dolphins and Manatees, chatty children riding in my Uber, an older Haitian lady who lives on my floor and sits outside her unit talking in Kreol on her phone and smokes. The beauty of the dance around me, which could be construed as chaos and yet is choreographed by the Spirit and in which I am inextricably pulled when I take the time to notice.

When I contemplate a ‘just’ world, essentially it is a world in balance. So, as I interpreted the question, how do I contribute to balance? Like a checkbook, or a scale (like the statue Lady of Justice holds) I must engage in periodic reconciliation. And sometimes in order to reconcile I have to give something up, let something go. And sometimes that, in turn, provokes some diminishment for me personally. Taxes. Accepting election results. And as for misfortune, well, that is a way of addressing my multiple unrealized expectations, accidents of some kind or other. Through no fault of my own and which, still, feel unfair or unlucky. I can contribute to a just world by letting that all go and accepting where I am.

Another way I see it is through my French persona (I lived there a while) and Just seems like “juste” which can mean “right’ or “fair”….

Hope that clarifies it….