I have had the extreme good fortune to have spent some time in Benedictine monasteries. Recollection is one of the benefits of that. Loosely speaking, it is the ability to be still and listen almost independently of where I find myself. I use it, a lot. Some places are more conducive than others, like churches, and Muir Woods, the seashore in any weather, the first evening snowfall of winter, a roaring fire after a day of hiking. And some people nurture it just by being in their presence. When I find them I keep them around! And then some critters. Dairy cows (whilst milking them by hand), most cats in their commanding mode (as opposed to their fighter one) and the ones that never fails to stop the world in its tracks, whales.

Well following the basic rules of engagement never hurts: keeping my place in line, doing what I say I am going to do when I say I am going to do it, open doors, lift suitcases in and out of the trunk of the car, respecting boundaries of all kinds. That’s a baseline. The more nuanced ones like understanding when to talk and when to stay silent, which parts to share and those best left unarticulated. When to get involved and when to move along. Those all demand a certain courage and reflection, as well as willingness to go the distance. All matters of discernment which in my case is certainly an imperfect science.

The common feature is they are unexpected. Show up as a surprise. Can be something simple, like the first time I had shrimp and grits. Was not expecting it to be so amazing!. Niagara Falls, which I had seen myriad pictures of before my first in-person visit, and the approach was shall we say, less than impressive with the denigration of the landscape immediately around in the form of garish amusement arcades and souvenir shops, were unbelievably incredible. Perhaps more so since I was expecting so little. I am capable of underestimating life.

To be brutally honest, with some dismay I believe the resistance I have to receive is associated with old fashioned pride. A reluctance to connection with unforeseen consequences with others. An old fashioned awareness that there are transactional aspects to accepting assistance of any kind. Coming under a sense of obligation to the benefactor, whether intended by the specific act of generosity or not. It appears energetically like an entanglement in my life experience. Something to be avoided if possible, and entered into only after serious reflection. It might only be loosened by powerlessness on my part. Having no other choice, being without option, and that feels like it would lack dignity. Let’s just say I am aware I have work to do in this area.

Surender does not come naturally to anyone, certainly not to me. And yet, the myriad ways and times that I have done so have always brought a deepening awareness of soul. It is like the scraping away of barnacles on the hull of a boat, messy, difficult, looks awful, but in the end, with the new paint she runs well. The ‘becoming more’ part is paradoxical in my experience as it seems that with each defeat of ego there is an increase in a certain transparency and I become more authentic while diminished too. And So Much Less Stress. All this time I have been accumulating riches of the important kind while necessarily relinquishing stuff.

In many ways I had a privileged childhood. And yet, a definite feature was not to draw too much attention to oneself. There was a tangled web of supporting evidence for this born out regularly. And so ‘shining your light’ is not something that would come naturally to me. At the same time I have a reverence for feedback. It does not frighten me. I know from long experience that positive change can be affected by negative feedback (criticism). In many regards others know me much better than I know myself. And when the feedback is positive I can embrace it (and do). Evidenced by the fact that I have received awards (professionally) and have the trophies and yet do not mention them in my CV or on my LinkedIn profile. This question has prompted me to examine my comfort level with the status quo, and I am not sensing a need to move the needle on this.

In the past when I was in a place that provided the right infrastructure, I have always had pets, and they certainly played this role. I have several colleagues who I lead tours with (before COVID) who do an amazing job of inspiring me not to mention my folks who I am on tour with (the customers). Now it is the random rider. Sometimes it is the conversations they are having with each other or on the phone that I can’t help but overhear, or the way they engage with me during the ride, sometimes a barista at Starbucks or a cashier in Publix. And the myriad varieties of ducks and geese that share our parking lots. I love the chattering Grackles and Ibis hopping up and over curbs and through the shrubs. And underneath it all the driver is likely Spirit, infusing everything and firing up my inner mind awakening me to the life that surrounds and embraces each moment.

Meditation. No specific kind. I rarely ‘sit’ in a formal way. And yet, I have made a practice of meditating in the moment wherever I am. It simultaneously centers me in the present and allows focus to occur. Both of these fundamentally allow me to consciously exist in a sense that I believe the question alludes to. If I am in an unsupportive environment music or an image will suffice as tools to allow me to ‘go into’ them, thus tuning out distractions. A picture of a forest canopy or the expanse of the sea will do in a pinch when the actuality is unavailable.

Yesterday morning for the first time since August I was in a boat, on the water. Which in and of itself brings joy enough! And what made it more satisfying, it was a double, so I was rowing with another, in synchronicity, slicing the surface of the tidal lake with quiet precision as if we had been doing it forever (I had never met this man before let alone rowed with him). But the joy, the simplest piece that brought the most delight, was the act of pushing off the dock and setting out, surrounded by Red Mangroves, laden with Anhinga and the occasional Iguana. Nothing Better.

I love that quote and have never heard it! Since writing the above I have already fired off about 500 words and come up with several ideas! On Fire! Which is a nice way to feel at 5AM! And yes, these times are replete with inspiration. I wanted to tell you (and the others that read this of course) that rowing the eight on Sunday was a success in that I didn’t capsize the boat, crabbed once (which frankly was a relief in that I got it out of the way) and had such bad form that I have blisters on both hands. Worst of all taking the boat out of the water my right shin got into and argument with the boat and the boat won, resulting in a deep gash and a lot of dramatic bandaging in the boathouse. Let’s just say I made an impression…

This image reminds me of a row I did in Marblehead Harbor on a February morning in a snow squall (not the wisest thing to do on many fronts but amazing for it!). The magic of the way a group of people in a boat can become ONE. So freeing. I was at my (new to me) boat club yesterday for the first time as they finally opened up to new members since COVID, and I was so flattered to be invited to row in the eight on Sunday morning, which I of course will do! My heavy old 20 foot single comes to its new home Friday morning so with luck we will be reunited on the water this weekend or early next week.