Some of these questions of late have really tickled me! As a Virgo I have a file with suggestions on how to get started! Seriously, the untidiness and disorder are apparently a feature not a bug. We are each in our way forced to come to terms with that and alter ourselves accordingly. So many of the things that appear wrong are somehow linked to the way I perceive them. The rest are simply the work set out for me to do. They become opportunities to contribute. Do the dishes, take out the garbage, sweep the garage…there’s plenty to do.

Many years ago I read Scott Peck’s book “The Road Less Travelled” and it was like getting a road map for how to actualize my desire to live an authentic life. A life that was the result of being guided by the lights of truth. Like anyone I suppose I can get caught up and start careening down some rail about something before I am awakened by what I now recognize as a critically important small voice sounding an alarm. Other times it is as simple as looking at the facts, which indicate the impossibility of my taking some action or other, or demanding attention be given to a suddenly critical condition. Not so much of health but of deviations from what I now understand to be the demands of my soul. So the simple answer is that I walk with intention, looking for blazes on the trees in the woods and cairns on the bare hilltops. I pay attention.

I don’t know about any of you, but I can’t help read this as if the word gifts has air quotes LOL…”So, what might be some of these so-called ‘gifts’ you have received in solitude?”

Solitude, true, actual solitude, is indisputably holy ground in my experience. You come face to face with the truths and forced to stare at them. The most precious fruit borne of my times of solitude has been a decent capacity for accurate self appraisal. This one skill has brought so much value. For once you can be true to yourself, and more importantly Willing to be so, you discover the essence of liberation.

It is the place I am introduced to the shadow, and bear it. Once this has been mastered even a little…then…the true work can begin.

I mostly draw on confidence born of experience when on the edge of a risk about to jump in or off…I think it would be very difficult to willingly go off on an adventure without knowing that I was willing to risk losing everything. That posture is born of a certain gratitude I suppose and yet, it is not something I would have equated with the drive to undergo the test. There is gratitude in having the chance, the openness to risk must be platformed on a certain trust. Not trust in a particular outcome, but trust in my ability to accept the consequences. There’s winning and losing and then there’s the excitement of being in the game. I am grateful to be in the game.

Anytime an underlying system is revealed. Especially one that has been there forever and I simply haven’t known about it, despite its intimate connection with my daily life and supports my existence. The power grid, cellular networks, wifi, wireless chargers (how even does that work?). The thingies that make traffic lights work and the motor in my car, my fridge, even my ceiling fan (that has been on since it was installed 5 years ago). My central nervous system, the way my hair and nails keep growing, the hidden depths of my psyche. The solar system, weather. All systems that somehow are regenerating right beneath the surface and available.

The outward differences belie our commonality and shared condition. That scratching the surface I find our similarities far outweigh the differences, that therefore become adornment. Like manners of speech or dress, there are customs observed by groups that endear them to me, and yet, do not make them so foreign as to not see myself mirrored in even their most exotic. An amateur birder (VERY amateur) I marvel at the varieties of, say, Egrets, and yet all of them share the gift of flight. We have religions and forms of government and economies which bring distinctions and draw lines not really worth defending if in themselves they harbor defeat. So they bring me up short, these differences, and force me to take notice. Immersed in a faraway land I can feel alienated until, soon, I recognize ourselves. That is what I appreciate, the underlying kinship.

Postponement and the idea of delayed gratification. The new normal for me is a routine that does not include a sense of satisfaction in the moment. I am enduring my activities (remember I am an Uber driver, so I am sitting in traffic most of the time) and while this is not suffering, it is not thriving. It is work, good honest work, and has dignity. I am extremely grateful to have the work, don’t get me wrong. It is more a matter of my life not cultivating my intellect or utilizing my passions and skills. I am having to work longer hours (9-11 hours a day). The new perspective is that it is dawning on me that this is probably going to be my work for some time to come. And that is what it is.

Empathy is critically important of course. To know I don’t know what other people are facing each moment. Gentleness and generosity are forever getting lifted and used from my personal toolbox. I have gone through phases where, like a mercenary, I was always on the lookout for ways to ‘help’ which I then realized was a part of larger pathology and not always as wholesome as I would have wanted. That has tempered thank heavens and I mind my own business until asked most of the time.

Atrophy is the antithesis of vitality, and vitality indicates a state of movement and variation, alteration to fit new conditions…change. So my own understanding of how to be alive and vital demands an openness to the inevitability of change. Don’t get me wrong I said having an openness. It’s not like I embrace it each and every time. I am one who craves routine, and Order (capitlization intentional). And yet, the order of the tides, seasons and cycles of life offer me examples of how change is incorporated in routine and patterns. I guess it’s a matter of getting far enough out from the moment and seeing the big picture that calms my heart and walks me back from the panic of “that’s not how I usually do this!”