Others say that I am kind, helpful, considerate. They say that I am talented with my musical abilities, That I have a good heart even though at times I am frustrated and upset with some people. They say that I am a good person with good intentions. What I learn from this is that by writing down this facts that often I sell myself short, feel unlovable or not wanted. I am often hard on myself and treat myself worse than others. This is an issue that I need to address more, to stop being self critical and to love and be supportive of me.

It’s still dark outside but I know it’s not too cold (for us northerners..-10 Celsius) and from the weather report it will be cloudy with flurries. The ever changing weather reminds me in my heart that things around us are constantly changing, that there will be difficult times as well as good times. I try to focus on what I do have to keep me in perspective..a roof over my head, electricity, running water, heating, . I also have warm clothing to protect me from the outside elements when I do venture. The weather reminds me of the saying this too shall pass, that the love in my heart will keep me warm as well , gives me hope and that the warmth of the spring and summer will return.

I find joy with a warm cup of herbal tea in my hands and feeling it’s warmth going down my throat. As I sit here reading and composing on gratefulness.org, I hear the water in the shower running indicating that my wife is up and about to start her busy day. Hearing her brings joy to me. I talked to my step mother yesterday and am happy that she is able to spend time with her daughter at Christmas. My father passed away two Christmas ago and being alone would be difficult. I know of many single people who because of covid are isolated and who will be alone. I am fortunate that yes we can’t visit family but my wife and I have each other at Christmas. And for that I feel joy and contentment. I am grateful and appreciative of all and who is in my life.😊

I am presently feeling this transformative power. Last December I started my new journey of bringing gratitude into my life. For several months prior, I had been going to counselling with a person who uses holistic approaches to deal with childhood trauma, anxiety and depression. I had allowed my inner self to surface, deal with the real and perceived trauma that was buried. Seven years before I stopped drinking which had hidden my feelings. Half a year later in December, my counsellor suggested this web site, gratefulness.org . What a difference it has made into my life along with the counselling which followed. Anxiety still brings its ugly head up at times but it is less frequent and I appear to handle it better. The real test is the current world situation. If this had been two years ago I would have been a mess. Gratitude has to taught me to love me for who I am, for what has happened in my life and that I do play an important part of the big picture. Others including my wife see a difference. Rather than being a hindrance, I provide support to others because I’ve taken care of myself first. Things are not perfect. Am still a work in progress and perhaps this will be a lifelong struggle, but I am coping much better.

As a child I was fascinated by astronomy. My father bought me a reflective telescope that I would use going out at nights and looking at the moon, the stars and planets. In my mind these objects pricked my curiosity of space and interest in space travel and the ideas of life throughout the universe. These thoughts had not crossed my mind for years until one evening we went for a walk. I happened to look up at the heavens and gazed in awe. I felt a different view. A view that throughout the world we are all able to look up and see the grandier. It reinforced my new ideals of the fact that we are all connected, that we are all made up of the same cosmic dust..that in fact we are one. I find these thoughts as being humbling and spiritual.

What breaks my heart is seeing all the destructive behaviour we as humans are doing..the destruction of our our earth, by wars, raping nature and pollution, How we have deniers and anti maskers with all these conspiracy theories , world,leaders who are dividing their countries rather than bringing people together. It really saddens and angers me at the same time knowing that the all mighty buck overides human life but I also believe that the majority are loving caring people who do care. My motivation is to continue being amongst the majority, to continue promoting and bringing positivity to others. I am looking for our actions to exemplify our collectiveness..I believe that gratitude and positivity and caring will overcome the negativity and evil

Yes there’s turmoil in the world but there is lots of good too which brings me joy. Joy in the gratefulness that I have in everything I have, in my friends and family, the beauty of Mother Nature and what she provide, the laughter of an innocent child or playfulness of a dog or cat.. Reading about or seeing acts of kindness. I reinforce my joy everyday by my daily morning practices of gratitude and meditation. I live in the now , observe all that is at the moment and be blessed. Opening my heart and focusing on the good what life is offering.

My excessive drinking for over 25 years where when finally I hit emotional rock bottom. I had found the love of my life and I was going to lose her, my job and realized that I needed to sober up to help ME. At the time I did not know what was going to happen to us. It took years to confront my inner thinking that created my depression and anxiety and to heal. I also realize that every day must be treated as a new day, to be grateful for everything and that I am a work still in progress but I am much better and finally reaching the point of loving myself and guiding my inner child who was damaged. I took years for my wife’s trust to be there but our relationship is better than ever now. It was a difficult journey but worth the effort and hard work in the long run for me!

I try to wake up every morning putting yesterday away and treating each day as a new beginning. As what brother David says I focus on every day as being a gift and be joyous of everything I have or who’s in my life. We often take for granted the things that others dream about. As I am getting older, I am noticing that the people who I know are no longer here. Two of my friends brothers ( who are several years older) are both going through cancer treatments at the same time and same city. I pray for them but at the same time, I realize how fortunate I am. My daily aches and pains and even the recent heart ablation I had are trivial compared to what all those who I know who have or are going through. As well during the pandemic I see how others lives have been torn financially and emotionally. I try to help and provide support and be strong for them.