This has been my personal battle.. trying to please all those around me, taking their own interests or concerns over mine. I understand that this stems from my wanting to be liked and loved by all. It’s time to love me first, take care of my interests first. Yes compassion of others and wanting to help is important but I’m trying to grasp with thought that these actions cannot be my source of feeling being loved or accepted. Go for a walk in nature..treat myself to a Starbucks.. give positive validations to me.

With me dealing with anxiety; the unknown is something that I don’t deal with very well. More often it’s the fears of things where I don’t have control of. Rationally I know that I shouldn’t worry about things but subconsciously the opposite happens. Because of this often I am afraid to make decisions even for myself which creates more anxiety. I know where my fears stem from . This is an ongoing battle to learn to evaluate my decisions, make the best ones possible and learn and accept them.

Some people I know are a lot more outgoing, involved volunteering their time and energy and are emotionally and intellectually strong so they can go head on with challenges or goals. I am by nature an introvert, do not like large groups, do not have many friends, not as logical or educated as others. To me appreciating others is learning to accept their strengths and personalities yet also accepting who I am, my personal strengths and talents rather than belittling me. We are all part of the same universe but also unique. I am as important as the other person and learning to accept this and love me who I am.

How great and wonderful a person that I am! I often put the welfare and compassion of others over my needs but now realize that I need to focus more on me first. I often treat myself worse than how I treat others and put their needs over mine. I’ve also learned that when surrounded by negativity that even though I make an attempt to be grateful, accept things as they are and be mindful that if i am surrounded by others such as my wife who are not, that it brings me down and away. I need to take time just to get away, reset myself by being alone for a while then returning when ready. I am no good in supporting others if I don’t do this

Several years ago, I started going to see a psychologists because of my chronic depression and anxiety. I was using different methods of behaviour modification which advised me on the childhood causes of my problems but did not work for me. I understood the reasons why, acknowledged my feelings why I was reacting but not really addressing them. It was not until about 2 years ago where I found my current counsellor who brought to my attention the concept of my inner child and mindfulness. I am working on being there for my IC by soothing, comforting yet not allow them to control me. The things that I endured as a child continue to inform my life but I am taking the reigns and helping myself deal with these issues with self compassion and kindness..