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Gratefulness
To ‘my’ Brother David—I still treasure our time at Hollyhock and aboard our cruise, where your infectious joy won over my curmudgeonly husband. So many ripples of holiness from your one life. How blessed are we! Happy Birthday, dear one. Your sister, Cynthia
As one of 6 active rowdy kids, none of us would ever ‘break down’ and cry, or we’d be at the mercy of the other 5. Now, all post middle-age, it takes very little to trigger the ‘gift of tears’ in any one of us. After my husband’s death, the hardest hurt now is when there are NO tears, just a dry aching heart. I’m reminded of the wonderful lyric: “Blessed are the tears that fall that wash the windows of the soul And usher in a change of heart And br...
As one of 6 active rowdy kids, none of us would ever ‘break down’ and cry, or we’d be at the mercy of the other 5. Now, all post middle-age, it takes very little to trigger the ‘gift of tears’ in any one of us. After my husband’s death, the hardest hurt now is when there are NO tears, just a dry aching heart. I’m reminded of the wonderful lyric: “Blessed are the tears that fall that wash the windows of the soul And usher in a change of heart And bring a joy that angels know”.
As a temple cat climbed into my lap just before centering prayer, I was reminded of today’s blessing w the hands. We spent those 20 minutes in purring joyful blessing, in the Presence of quiet.
Truly feeling grateful for those times when intuition and dreams touch me, present themselves and over-ride my obliviousness. I wear an OM pendant as my go-to jewelry. On my last morning on a beloved island, only my second trip there after my husband’s death, I literally stumbled on one rock, of the thousands on the beach, w/a weathered barnacled pattern in the OM shape, with a barnacled ‘c’ on the backside, my initial. In those moments, something truly beyond breaks through, and I am l...
Truly feeling grateful for those times when intuition and dreams touch me, present themselves and over-ride my obliviousness. I wear an OM pendant as my go-to jewelry. On my last morning on a beloved island, only my second trip there after my husband’s death, I literally stumbled on one rock, of the thousands on the beach, w/a weathered barnacled pattern in the OM shape, with a barnacled ‘c’ on the backside, my initial. In those moments, something truly beyond breaks through, and I am left with the signature reaction of gratitude: breathlessness, and a heart that has dissolved all borders and boundaries. Thanks for this lovely reminder that “Biden or unbidden, God is present.” And we are blessed
I loved Brother David’s playful and clever visit to the dentist, and all Haikus about nature draw me in. What a simple way to be. I’m feeling grateful for these few moments each day, and seeing this as a practice of gratitude.
Oh! a spinning world! Joys of ceiling fan wonder Through baby’s bright eyes
Tracking a 7 month’s eyes leads to constant appreciation and celebration. Awe-struck by Jackson Scott!
A bumpy rock. Wait. Eyes? Gazing, wondering, smiling The frog looks back at me.
As I was sweeping my patio, I hesitated at a curious cement-looking rock. Suddenly an eye opened, and I realized it must’ve been a tree frog, blown down by the storm, perfectly camouflaged on the concrete patio, except for those yellow eyes. Amazing gift of nature.
Predawn rushing stream The fall chill and falling leaves Puddles of full moons
Bringing back a magical early morning experience of a clear mountain stream, in the dark of an early October morning, a full moon reflected in each of the puddles between the rocks. No words.
Wind outside my window Furious and urgently black, threatening and renewing breath.
An ancient pond! With a sound from the water Of the frog as it plunges in.
Ripples flow out in the silence of the water as my heart plunges deep.
I was touched by the scarcity of Basho’s words to evoke an image of sitting beside an ancient pond – the frog already gone – and the heart remaining, quiet and attentive.
“,,,the road dropping away from you as if leaving you to walk on thin air,”
This week, the road feels more like it’s dropped away, with admitting my Mom to Hospice and receiving news that my young daughter-in-law’s polyp was, indeed, cancerous. At the same time, because of an ongoing commitment to photograph and record a moment of gratitude every day for a year, the road arises again at most unexpected times, leaving me reeling between these two states.“,,,the road dropping away from you as if leaving you to walk on thin air,” This week, the road feels more like it’s dropped away, with admitting my Mom to Hospice and receiving news that my young daughter-in-law’s polyp was, indeed, cancerous. At the same time, because of an ongoing commitment to photograph and record a moment of gratitude every day for a year, the road arises again at most unexpected times, leaving me reeling between these two states. It is so easy to say ‘yes’ to the one, and reject the other. I struggle to see the face of God gazing through all, much less to see the ‘opportunity’, as Brother David so beautifully suggests in moments when we can’t be grateful for what’s happening. A few moments ago, a red bird landed on the patio door handle, peeking in. I smile. Read More
This week, the road feels more like it’s dropped away, with admitting my Mom to Hospice and receiving news that my young daughter-in-law’s polyp was, indeed, cancerous. At the same time, because of an ongoing commitment to photograph and record a moment of gratitude every day for a year, the road arises again at most unexpected times, leaving me reeling between these two states. It is so easy to say ‘yes’ to the one, and reject the other. I struggle to see the face of God gazing through all, much less to see the ‘opportunity’, as Brother David so beautifully suggests in moments when we can’t be grateful for what’s happening. A few moments ago, a red bird landed on the patio door handle, peeking in. I smile.
Today I am having a different type of Pilgrim journey. My son called yesterday to tell me his wife, new mother of our only grandchild (a 16 month old boy), may have colon cancer. It has been my emotions that have been on pilgrimage for 24 hours through my body and soul.. I’m trying to honor each one as it serves the journey, naming and releasing them, aware but not holding on, as they travel through. They enrich my own pilgrimage, for the moment exquisitely present in its impermanence....
Today I am having a different type of Pilgrim journey. My son called yesterday to tell me his wife, new mother of our only grandchild (a 16 month old boy), may have colon cancer. It has been my emotions that have been on pilgrimage for 24 hours through my body and soul.. I’m trying to honor each one as it serves the journey, naming and releasing them, aware but not holding on, as they travel through. They enrich my own pilgrimage, for the moment exquisitely present in its impermanence.
I ask for prayers of strength and healing and grace for this 37 year old mother/wife/daughter/daughter-in-law/sister and her family, as she moves through this dark tunnel on her own pilgrimage..
At this time, my Pilgrimage is in letting go of the name “daughter/child” as I tend to my 94 year old mother’s diminishing. If it’s any indication of what a Camino journey would be for me, it’s one of constantly taking divergent paths and expending energy on trivial details of her daily care, and dallying along the path of her dying.
I am comforted by Hafiz: “I felt in need of a great pilgrimage, so I sat still for three days.” I need to sit st...
I am comforted by Hafiz: “I felt in need of a great pilgrimage, so I sat still for three days.” I need to sit still and be with her on this pilgrimage, as she lets go of all of her names, helping each other release and pass through, “grief apparent only in this moment of forgetting.”
I am TRULY grateful that we have a week to do these readings and practices, rich as they are. My heart is full.
So sorry for your loss, and your wise post has helped me, too. It’s difficult to work w our continuing life when our long-time partners leave the physical body. Thank you for sharing your experience here. Brother David has a way of joining souls!
Thank you for this beautiful remembrance of my husband’s passing, and our lives together. in my own personal experience, I might change that first line to “I never knew you” and leave the rest as it is: perfect.
“Breathing in never before Breathing out never again.” Thank you!
“Wholeheartedness is doing the best you can do, as often as you can remember to do it.” The best definition yet! Thank You!
“To remember the other world in this world” Talk about wholehearted! Thank you for this.
This is so succinct and beautiful, Hildegard. Thank you!
So many powerful phrases: “actively practicing,” “opening”, “embracing”. Thank you for this reminder, and encouragement to all of us.
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