The line, “We are the feast” rings so true for me. That probably would have been my choice for a title to Saiser’s poem. I’ve spent many holidays without spouse or extended family but there have always been others who invite me to join them or who are grateful for the invite to join me at my table. This whole journey we call life is about learning that we belong.The words of my mentor from long ago ring in my ears.”We are here to integrate our insides with our outsides.” My own growth in awareness elaborates on that integration: “We are all here to move from longing to belonging.”

The best definition I have ever heard for the word compassion is to be with. It says to me, “Come to every situation with an open mind and an open heart.” An open mind and an open heart breed empathy not sympathy. I don’t think that others want us to feel sorry for them. They don’t want pity. They want understanding and acceptance because no matter what they are battling on the outside, there biggest battle is on the inside. It is the battle with self and it always helps to have a friend with skin–a friend to listen, providing a mirror to our soul. Caring and sharing works miracles.

What does it mean to embody something? Embody is a challenging word. How do I embody faith. I guess that requires me to define faith. For me it is trust and if I do not learn to trust myself, how can I trust life and be willing to risk when it is important to take the risk of trusting others? How do I embody hope? I think of the well-worn phrase of many evangelists. “Expect a miracle.” I don’t expect miracles but I do expect to be shown a way to make it through difficult times. When longing permeates every fiber of my being, I remind myself that I belong. I’m part of this fascinating and challenging experience called life. And last but definitely not least, how do I embody love? For me, the key is willingness–willingness to be an instrument of what religious doctrine calls “grace” and scientists call evolution. Love is not a feeling or a product. It is a decision delve into the process—to be a life-giving force to all we meet. I’m reminded of a quote from Eckhart Tolle: “You are not IN the Universe. You ARE the Universe—an intrinsic part of it. Ultimately you are not a person but a focal point where the Universe is becoming conscious of itself.”

I write each morning and so I offer what I wrote today in hopes that it might prove helpful to others:

“The things that frighten us just want to be held.” Mark Nepo

What is frightening you at this point in your life?

For me, it is the awareness that though I know I belong, I feel utterly alone. Life has become exhausting. Br. David Stendl Rass says “The anecdote for exhaustion is wholeheartedness.”

What is wholeheartedness?

I’m guessing it is the willingness to let all my thoughts, feelings, joys and sorrows into my heart.

Name them and claim them because without ownership, I can’t offer the ones that are frightening me up for transformation.

As Fr. Richard Rohr often says, “What isn’t transformed is transmitted.”

What rolls around in my mind often pains my head and without the help of my heart-it can and will create and transmit unhealthy energies which I do not wish to impose on myself or others.

As I meditated last evening, I burst into tears. Bottled up feelings poured out life rain. Something from deep within me cried out, “This is not sorrow. These are tears of anger.”

I let myself feel the anger. I was so pissed off at myself. As a dear friend would say, I had been playing the “shoulda, coulda woulda, game.” I shoulda, I coulda and if I woulda!!!!”

I reminded my self that “If I woulda” is often tied to the “What if” and “If only” game.

What is IS. I finally accepted the invitation to move my exhausting thought process—my debilitating head game–into my heart and [w]holed on.

As Mark Nepo says, “The things that frighten us just want to be held.”
Might that be the definition of wholeheartedness?

Blessings, Carol

Hi Kristi, Today’s quote and your essay both remind me that I am life. We all are life.
I wrote the following meditation this morning
:“Heaven is authentic earthly participation…This world is it.” Quote by Rev. Charles Moore
Good Morning, Science has taught us that energy does not die. So what dies? I’m guessing it’s the personality known as Carol. But what about the lessons Carol has learned? Where do they dwell? I’m guessing in the energy that is released in death. Where does this energy go? I’m guessing into the formation of new life. If that is so, what is the goal of my life? I’m guessing life is hoping evolutionary energy will be released when I die. It seems to me that both science and religion are calling me to grow in an evolutionary awareness that will be resurrected in the hearts and minds of the generations that will follow me. Does that make me [and you] creator? I think so.
Blessings, Carol

I had already written my morning meditation when I read today’s question but think it applies so I share it here:
“Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.”
– Charles M. Schulz

Good Morning, We are literally having a heat wave with the weather man saying temps will be hitting about 100 degrees now through Saturday and the heat index will be hovering at 110 degrees; so, I headed out early this morning (73 degrees/6:30 a.m.) for my walk and decided to tackle a big hill that leads to what, as children, we used to call “Pilot Knob where the rich folks live.” It was quite a challenge for me. I’ve not hiked in mountains since leaving Arizona in 2008. Actually, I haven’t really hiked since leaving the desert. I’ve just taken neighborhood walks. And, since my spinal compression fractures in 2018, they have not been lengthily.
As I climbed, I experienced some shortness of breath but realized that it was caused by fear not age. I was afraid I would not be able to make it or worse not be in good enough shape to back track and make it back home. I slowed my pace and breathed deeply; I shifted the gears in my monkey mind. I connected with the process of taking one step at a time. I settled down and settled in to the moment.
I felt such joy when I topped the hill and began my descent. I could see a large group of high school students gathered on the high school athletic grounds at the base of the hill and heard their coach barking orders about staying hydrated as he arrange them in pairs for a long run. I’m sure they are beginning summer training for various high school sports they will participate in when school starts in late August. When he saw me, he said, “Good Morning, Ma’am, would you care to join us on our run?”
I chuckled and declined the offer as the kids began gathering around their coach and me. I looked at their young respectful faces and said, “I was in the first graduating class from this high school back in 1960.” One young man gasped as he calculated the math in his head. I shall never forget the look of shock on his face. I’m sure he was thinking that I must be ancient. No comments, please!
No matter how old we are OR how set in our ways we might be, to always be willing to see with new eyes, willing to shift gears to attain a different view is important. We crave the comfort of the familiar and we often miss the possibility of the present moment. May you all “top a hill” today and marvel at the view.

Yesterday’s Word of the Day by Philip Gulley prompted the reflection I wrote earlier this morning and I find that it relates to today’s question as the past year has made me extremely conscious of my mortality due to several compression fractures in my back and limiting physical mobility. Here is the quote and what I wrote in reaponse:
“I wonder if gratefulness is the bridge from sorrow to joy, spanning the chasm of our anxious striving. Freed from the burden of unbridled desires, we can enjoy what we have, celebrate what we’ve attained, and appreciate the familiar. For if we can’t be happy now, we’ll likely not be happy when.” Philip Gulley

I’ve always enjoyed the thoughtful wisdom writings of Philip Gulley. The words “anxious striving” hit me between the eyes this morning as I’m reminded that my jaw is tense and taught. My mind is jumping from future to past, manufacturing “What ifs, ands and buts.”
I’ve injured my left foot. X-ray says no fracture so the doctor thinks I have most likely damaged a tendon in my little toe. I see a foot specialist next week and in the mean time, elevate, ice and limit use which means no neighborhood walks, no water exercise, a lot of sitting down. I’m already feeling stiff from a lack of activity! I’m lamenting my physical limitations; regretting all the opportunities I let pass me by when my physical health was vibrant and I more able. My mind is “when-ing.”
I’m reminded of how mentally crippled I can become when I gorge on regret. I reread the quote.The closing sentence grabs me, “For if we can’t be happy now, we’ll likely not be happy when.”
There is always something or someone for which and whom to be grateful and gratefulness produces happiness. The mail man is delivering my mail to my door. My sister calls to check on me daily. My son continues to work on making my new home comfortable for me. My next door neighbor hugs me every time she sees me and I’ve only known her for 6 weeks!
WHEN is NOW….or as my a dear friend’s daughter whose life was limited from childhood seizures used to say whenever she saw me, “You better get happy.”
Blessed BE, Carol

Kristi, I read this while listening to a Leonard Cohen CD. I love Leonard Cohen. Today is my 77th birthday and the sentence in your essay that stands out for me is “If we hold our vulnerabilities and sensitivities as sources of rich information about how we deserve and need to be treated, and if we honor ourselves with compassionate care, we can forge an abiding friendship that will deliver blessings into every aspect of our life, and into the lives of others.” I have said for many years that another word for incarnation is vulnerability.. And, I believe we are all called to be incarnate. I deeply appreciate your essay. It’s a birthday gift for me. Blessings, Carol Conner

Hi Kristi, Thanks for this beautifully written reminder. It’s so filled with the wisdom of “going with the flow,” of “expecting what you need” not what you think you need; It is a reminder that life is trustworthy. I’ve been in my new home for about two weeks. I made a major move due to health reaons and am learning so much about myself from this experience. As Br. David says in your essay, “Deep trust in life is not a feeling but a stance that you deliberately take. It is the attitude we call courage.” Yes, it’s the attitude of gratitude. As Matthew Fox says in his book “Meditation with Meister Eckhart”
“The Word of God
Is always “In the beginning.”
And this means it is always in the process of being born
And is always already born”

Life is process not product and we are LIFE!
Blessings, Carol

I prefer to accent belonging instead of longing and found Ken Wilber’s quote helpful to me this morning. I share the meditation that it prompted:

“Be the most ethical, the most responsible,
the most authentic you can be with every breath you take,
because you are cutting a path into tomorrow
that others will follow.”
Ken Wilber

The above quote is such a powerful reminder of our evolutionary obligation. To be ethical is to be honest with self; to take responsibility requires the ability to respond not react in all situations. Authenticity is the commitment to grow not only our own soul but to nurture the souls of others. We are called to be evolutionary-soul-food for everyone and everything—to be Eucharist in the world.