I think that my traumatic childhood shaped who I am and not all in a bad way. I was an only child and I had to process things on my own. I learned to be very aware of my surroundings, which now I see the beauty in the littlest of things, my intuition sees through peoples protective walls helps me be a better friend and my gratitude for all the shelter and joy that nature and animals has always provided me is endless. The lessons I shouldn’t of had to learn so young moved me to quickly learn to be thankful for the beautiful life I’ve had the chance to live.

I was born curious and at 53 I can drive my husband nuts like a 4 year old with all the why’s on a project we’re currently working on. For me the best thing the internet has given me is google. And really is there anything better than a great documentary? But being out there experiencing new things, places, meeting people can’t be beat. I recently went to Costa Rica and was so overwhelmed by the wildness of it that I think it’s going to be my next home. I could spend the rest of my life exploring it. How incredibly exciting!

My first instinct was to say plain laziness but I’m not by far, lazy. That’s just an cruel echo from the past. Then I settled on not prioritizing what’s important but no the real crux of it is not living fully in the moment. When I can be fully present in whatever I’m engaged in whether it be my relationships, work, spiritual practices it brings such peace and satisfaction. Also one thing that has dramatically helped was getting off the news and social media and replacing it with beautiful uplifting spaces such as this and also a lot more of silence from everything but nature. I realized I always had some distraction now I feel more relaxed and less anxious.

My chaotic childhood has prepared me to take things as it comes. I never knew what I would come home to. So anxiety and fear has always been prevalent but so hasn’t resilience. I know that I can face and handle whatever happens. When my beautiful husband of 28 years passed suddenly, I knew I had a responsibility to our employees and their families. So I steeled myself and just put one foot in front of the other and saw the business through til I was able responsibly let it go. I’m your girl in the midst of emergency it’s the in between that has me anxious about the next shoe to drop. But I’m a work in progress and I’m really trying to embrace just being present and grateful for my incalculable blessings.

I feel called to be fully present in the moment, which is my greatest challenge. When I am present I’m filled with gratitude for all that is in my life. Just turning on the faucet, throwing clothes in the washer, flushing a toilet. These are things that are an incredible luxury. I grew up with no running water so it will never leave me the incredible struggle it was to just wash your clothes, bathe with the least amount of water possible. It matters because I am aware that this struggle for clean drinking water goes on unnecessarily for millions. This propels me to give towards changing this hardship. I am full of gratitude for all the beauty in my life if I just remember to pay attention.

I am so very sorry for what you are going through. I can’t imagine the pain and worry that must be ever present. Please know there is nothing that you and your husband could have done. Mental illness, which she’s probably self medicating through her addiction is such a vicious cycle. I pray she has a moment of clarity and that she does what’s best for Sophia. They are both blessed that you will be there for them to help with the healing when that happens. Please be gentle with yourselves. You are beautiful loving parents who are doing everything you can. This is Claire and Sophia’s path as heartbreaking as it is. I pray that you are all reunited soon.