Should I see beauty where there is suffering?

Why?
Will looking for beauty when there is suffering somehow gloss over the complexity of feelings of those who are suffering?
Could that bring a sense of invalidation to the suffering?

The suffering already experience isolation.
Does instructing them to search for beauty in their suffering lend them companionship, or further isolate them when they are unable to find beauty?

Can we befriend the suffering by simply sitting with them, witnessing what they are going through without trying to find beauty because honestly, somtimes there is none.

Acceptance can be a beautiful thing.

Raised on the freezing, blustery northeastern banks of Lake Erie, the cold was always in my bones and my mood low. I spent 45 years enjoying only 2-3 months of each year.

Now, I thrive in the heat of sunny Southeast Florida. A tropical climate might not be right for everyone, but it sure is for me!

Still, 15 years after the Ohio to Florida move, I find myself bubbling up with joy. I stop my thoughts to see where the emotion is coming from. It is always the same. I am thrilled beyond words to enjoy the weather! My bones are warm! I am happy from deep inside my spirit whether I walk barefoot on the beach or in my backyard!

I never did learn to appreciate the northern weather, but I sure do here in the south. We have tropical storms and hurricanes and humidity and scorching hot sunshine, yes; and my spirit soars in unconditional appreciation of this weather!

I find my approach to life much more smooth when I can look at things with a sense of curiosity instead of judgment.

I am working to change my thought patterns from: “This is bad.” to “I wonder why I feel like this is wrong? Why do I get that sense of bad from it?”

or even “Oh wow, this is so good!” to ” I wonder why I feel so excited about this thing?”

I find the sense of expectation fades into the background as I take the time and energy to look at something from all sides.

Oh yes! As I practice living gratefully, I notice a developing curiosity about feelings as they arise. Feeling afraid is undoubtedly one of them. In that curiosity, I discover that sometimes the fearfulness is good and useful as it serves to keep me steady on course. Other times, as I stand back and examine the feelings of fear and the anxiety it brings, I find no purpose or value for it. The more I allow my mind to explore it, the more I notice it dissipates. Next thing I know, I gratefully feel such a burden of relief, and my mind has already gone deep into thought about something unrelated!

Hi, Mary

Thank you for this tremendous act of kindness. You might never know how grateful I feel. I will think of someone I haven’t seen lately also, and pay forward a kindness of letting them know I notice their absence.

I check in each day read the Lounge and complete the Practice in my journal. My mood is way too low right now, and I worry that any post I make might bring another down in spirits. I don’t know of a way to post privately, so here is a synopsis, brief as possible.

My left rotator cuff has a full-thickness tear and I desperately need it repaired. Every week they try to reschedule it at a different surgical center (South Florida) and every week they cancel it. I don’t see how this can be considered “elective” yet it is not “emergency.” From the MRI report we learn that a month ago, there was very little retracted tendon they thought they could grab a hold of for the repair, yet there was hope at that time. The pain is excruciating. Every minute of every day. And yet, I know this is nothing compared to the greater scheme of things. And I know so many others suffer even more greatly. I don’t know what to think anymore. I don’t want to be so self-centered, but I do see that this constant pain warps my outlook.

Thank you, Mary. I’m a very private, introverted person and would not normally share this. But I am learning it is important to my community to share *reality, not just the happy feel-good stuff.

*I think of our reality often, as I learn to coexist with a level of pain to this extreme.

Liberating, yes! Like you, Hot Sauce, I let go of my belief in biblical infallibility (starting in 1996). After 40 years of strict evangelical upbringing and living, the last 20 entrenched in severe fire and brimstone bondage, a departure from that cult was necessary if I was to live any longer on this earth. Following that, these past 20 years have been a different kind of spirituality for me—a time of learning and unlearning.

I am so thankful to have escaped bible-thumping dictators of a life that involved praying the demons out of me, while constantly dwelling on what I wretched creature I was and how thankful I should be that a deity came to earth in a human body to be sacrificed for me personally and for the entire world. I am so grateful to have escaped believing that my sole purpose on this earth was to “win lost souls” because people of all other religious beliefs were hell-bound and only those of us who were “saved and washed by the blood of the lamb” were getting into heaven.

The guilt and shame of those 40 years were nearly too much for me to bear so when I found my way out, I felt forever grateful. Ah, but here’s the rub: those ingrained scriptures still arise at the strangest times and I become instantly afraid! My mind thinks, “what if they were right all this time, and I am not?” When that fear arises, it nearly cripples me. Practicing gratitude is the final puzzle piece in my path.

I know this piece is not eloquently written. I rarely speak or write of those long-ago experiences, so this effort is more like that of a young child rather than the older woman I have grown into. Please overlook my inadequacies and take from this long post the fact that I do have a memory for which I can be forever grateful. Thank you, Hot Sauce, for your post, which led to my self-examination.