I am working on being more trusting in my journey and not slipping into fear of being in the “wrong place.” When I get stuck in the anxiety or projection and worry, I miss out on the present. Things have always worked out in my life. Dispite infertility, a car crash, relocation, and the unknowns of where and what home will be… I have been kept sheltered, healthy, and supported by family and friends. I have learned the blessing of living with less but also need to leave the burden of “good enough” alone. Being present for others, listening to their words, and not adding my opinion but rather holding space is where I want to change. Listen more. Talk less.

I am making eye contact and smiling at as many people as I can. Trying my best to let people know, “I see you. You matter. You are loved.” So many people avoid eye contact. In The Book Of Joy which I am reading for the first time now, the writer Douglas Abrams reflects on loneliness-how we can be alone and feel content but so often be surrounded and feel utterly alone. He reflects, “I wondered if the averted eyes of my childhood, waiting for the elevator or in the subway, were perhaps the shame of being physically close and emotionally distant.” I will be or service by engaging in connection.

I recently injured my spine and pelvis and have lost my independence in so many ways. Walking hurts, sitting hurts, I can’t lift pellets to heat our home, I can’t turn to see a loved one when they walk through the house. Reaching over to grab a toy to play with my dog ensues a grunt or yelp of pain. So many things I do are connected to the ability to twist, stand, sit, and use my arms. It is requiring me to slow down and be thoughtful, planful, and intentional. It is also an opportunity to ask others for help and be a receiver of help. So often I am ready to give and have such a hard time receiving. Its a gift “wrapped in sandpaper” as Lisa Nichols would say. One I am trying to be respectful of and careful with in the moment to moment movements of my day.

I could have melted yesterday. But instead, I saw an opportunity. To hold love and space for others in their suffering. To ground my family in compassion, healthy vulnerability, and wholehearted living. I am okay. In the big scope of things, I am so grateful to have clothes, food, shelter, a space for my dogs where they are loved and cuddled. Do I know where I will live next week? Not really. Do I have a job yet? Not after Friday. But I am fed, sheltered, and trusting that things will work out because God is designing my life. I am manifesting love, freedom, detachment, and adventure. I can work on being clearer about what kind of adventure but for now, I feel so grateful that I took yesterday as an opportunity to be present, be loving, and hold space.