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Gratefulness
I am not only grateful for “good” experiences but also for the “bad” ones too, because it is these experiences that bless us with wisdom.
Probably just exhaustion. I’m taking a summer class right now and really just want to be done. I think some of my desire to spend a lot of money on pizza and burgers has been a result of this exhaustion. I think once I get this paper over with and done, some of that desire for extravagance is gonna settle down.
Haha. I really am not trying to avoid anything. This is just one of the hardest research papers I’ve ever done, but I’m getting there. Once I’m done, I will be sure to take some time to relax, read, run, Netflix, and do some spiritual practice.
A couple days ago, I was astonished at how helpful running really is for me. The last couple weeks, I’ve been dealing with some fatigue and depression and wasn’t really sure why. Then, I went to take a run and lift some weights and felt so much better! I was astonished by how medicinal exercise can be for depression and fatigue!
I’ve gone through a lot of spiritual struggles and mental health issues throughout my life, but these have not only given me more resilience, but have also led to deeper breakthroughs and insights into the nature of reality that have lead me to deeper joy. In addition, I feel that I am also able to empathize with those struggling with mental health and will be able to help others grow on their spiritual journey when they are struggling with hard questions.
My dog Tuck, my cat Hal, my deceased cat Moe, my mom, God, my friend Ivy, my friend Bri, my friend Lou, my pastor Ben, my friend Helen, my friend Monty, and some of the other people I have met in college and my first semester of graduate school.
To be honest, I don’t think there is a problem with seeking more, better, or different. It is human nature to want to build off of what is already there and go further. The real issue is when we start grasping for more, better, and different-and want it right now or else, thank you very much! This can lead us to suffer unnecessarily when we lack patience in waiting for the things we seek. I don’t think seeking is the issue; rather, it is impatience with receiving what we seek.
Just keep persevering with the questions. I think, if I keep pursuing answers and seek, there will at least be new, reassuring insights that will lead me to deeper questions that will lead me to even greater times of joy. I’ve also decided to incorporate my spiritual practice into my existential questions. For instance, if I am wrestling with doubts about God’s existence and I am focusing on Humanist practices for the day, I could do (or at least read/study) some scientific experi...
Just keep persevering with the questions. I think, if I keep pursuing answers and seek, there will at least be new, reassuring insights that will lead me to deeper questions that will lead me to even greater times of joy. I’ve also decided to incorporate my spiritual practice into my existential questions. For instance, if I am wrestling with doubts about God’s existence and I am focusing on Humanist practices for the day, I could do (or at least read/study) some scientific experiments on prayer and its effects and see what most of the evidence seems to indicate, always being skeptical but open-minded as I pursue the questions.
Honestly, being a person with existential anxiety, it is often the books and articles I have read, the education I have received, and the educational websites I’ve visited that have helped me a lot on the journey. Sometimes, they’ve given me some closure (or at least partial closure) about the things I’ve worried about. In addition, I’ve had my therapist, my cat (who could easily be a therapy cat), my pastor at my church in Colorado, and my family to support me emotion...
Honestly, being a person with existential anxiety, it is often the books and articles I have read, the education I have received, and the educational websites I’ve visited that have helped me a lot on the journey. Sometimes, they’ve given me some closure (or at least partial closure) about the things I’ve worried about. In addition, I’ve had my therapist, my cat (who could easily be a therapy cat), my pastor at my church in Colorado, and my family to support me emotionally when I go through an episode.
The day after the United Methodist Church’s convention that voted to discriminate against the LGBTQIA+ community, my seminary had a chapel service to support the people who were grieving over this decision. One person, who I didn’t know very well, became very emotional during the service, and I went to her afterwards to offer a hug and tell her that, if she needed anything, I would be there. Some other people came over to pray for her, and I joined in as well. While this was a ver...
The day after the United Methodist Church’s convention that voted to discriminate against the LGBTQIA+ community, my seminary had a chapel service to support the people who were grieving over this decision. One person, who I didn’t know very well, became very emotional during the service, and I went to her afterwards to offer a hug and tell her that, if she needed anything, I would be there. Some other people came over to pray for her, and I joined in as well. While this was a very sad day, it was also an opportunity to show compassion to those who had been marginalized by the church that cared for and nurtured them growing up.
Always acknowledge others when I see them to remind them that I love them. I can let go gratefully by not worrying about what other people think or being too distracted by my own concerns to remember to connect with others continually.
I feel most generous when I make an intention to be generous. In order to be generous, I simply need to be mindful of the need to be generous for the sake of those who are less privileged than I am.
Embrace the emotion that comes with various parts of life! It’s easy to get stuck in my head sometimes and to analyze, “What do I need to do right now?” Sometimes, though, it’s better to just laugh, cry, hug, or do what I need to really embrace how I feel and what is happening in the moment.
I could see the goodness in everyone. Instead of thinking, “Wow. What a jerk!” I could instead think, “I wonder what kind of circumstances might be making this person act in a way that is so inconsistent with the LOVE they truly are” (I think anyway; I’m not sure whether LOVE is the essence of all things, but a lot of spiritual experiences and religions affirm this, so it seems like it could be true). This way, I can avoid committing the fundamental attribution e...
I could see the goodness in everyone. Instead of thinking, “Wow. What a jerk!” I could instead think, “I wonder what kind of circumstances might be making this person act in a way that is so inconsistent with the LOVE they truly are” (I think anyway; I’m not sure whether LOVE is the essence of all things, but a lot of spiritual experiences and religions affirm this, so it seems like it could be true). This way, I can avoid committing the fundamental attribution error and, instead, look at ways I need to change my behavior in order to be more loving and kind to others.
I wonder if letting go of anger and resentment can actually bring about change outside oneself, as well as inside. Not sure whether I believe in the Law of Attraction or not (there’s a lot of gaslighting and distorted truths on all sides of the debate), but if it’s true, maybe letting go of anger could actually change what happens in the outside world or even, to a limited degree, the behavior of the one with whom a person is angry…just some ideas.
Whenever I do something, I can ask myself, “How is this contributing to my spiritual growth?” If it’s not, I should probably find something else to do. One thing that helps with this is saying, “In the Name of God, the Compassionate, the Merciful” before doing an activity so that I remember that everything I do should be dedicated to the Source of Goodness.
Continue to learn and absorb whatever I can that will make me a wiser, more loving person.
It breaks my heart when I want to understand the hard questions about life, meaning, life after death, religion, spirituality, etc. but don’t have the easy answers and feel completely lost. Knowing this, however, motivates me to continue pursuing my questions and my vocation as a pastor so that I can help others in their spiritual struggles someday and give them whatever useful insights they may need for their spiritual journey.
When you realize how interdependent your body is with everything else, it becomes clear how amazing it is! Trillions of microbes are on the body and benefit and are benefited by the body. The body has also evolved from a complex chain of trillions of species that have evolved from small DNA mutations in the midst of needs created by the surrounding environment. It is also amazing how complex our bodies are, and how each small cell needs others to function! The body is a part of an ongoing pro...
When you realize how interdependent your body is with everything else, it becomes clear how amazing it is! Trillions of microbes are on the body and benefit and are benefited by the body. The body has also evolved from a complex chain of trillions of species that have evolved from small DNA mutations in the midst of needs created by the surrounding environment. It is also amazing how complex our bodies are, and how each small cell needs others to function! The body is a part of an ongoing process of evolution that is interdependent on all things in the universe for its existence.
Today, I want to start cutting some of the material things out of my life so that others in need can benefit. I’m probably going to be doing a “summer cleaning” of sorts where I get rid of the stuff I don’t need and give it to those in need. If I’m not sure what organization to give it to, I could sell it and then give the money to the poor.
Yeah. This is literally the hardest one I’ve ever done. I’m researching the Ethiopian Orthodox Tewahido Church (EOTC). It’s hard because it’s difficult to find any up-to-date academic sources in the West because of how much this information has been suppressed by the Western church. Sigh…frustrating, but at least I’m almost done!
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