What has hindered me from living fully is hiding from abuse and trauma. I think a lot of my running has to do with not wanting to face childhood trauma.
I have never wanted to be looked at as a victim. But guess what ? We can’t separate the victim and the survivor. I am seeing now that I am both.
Now what I am learning is how to deal with what happened. I want to heal from it and let it go. My intention is to heal from these migraines and be able to be at peace from the ghosts. I have never wanted to show this face of shame before .
I pray what will help me is to let it out and let it go.

Gratitude helps me from falling into negative thinking and depression.
Having a chronic illness makes you teaches you to never take what most people take for granted. For example many people may not be grateful for their teeth because they are so used to them just doing their job, until they have a toothache! So for me I’m grateful for all of the things in everyday day life that are wonderful. The blue sky and the wonderful fresh vegetables I’m adding to our soup today are things I’m very grateful for. Being able to take a walk makes me see all wonders there are around me.

Existence is an act of giving. Beingness is an act of giving- interbeing with everything and everyone is an act of giving. Love for Mother Earth is an act of giving.
When I walk I do my best to remember that I am being held by Mother Earth and all the amazing parts of this wonderful mysterious life. My act of giving is to choose to respond with love, kindness, patience, understanding, compassion and joy. My act of giving fills me up with compassion and it’s a never ending relationship.
🙏🌎🌻

Yes absolutely! I can change this by changing my mind!
It’s spring so the time is now to clean house !
There is a quote from the Buddha upon his enlightenment: “O house-builder! You are seen.
You shall build no house again.
All your rafters are broken.
Your ridgepole is shattered.”
A mantra by zen master Thay is also useful to remember: “I have arrived. I am home in the here and in now.”
Letting go, I can arrive wholeheartedly.
I’m grateful for this wonderful question.

Of course we don’t always do the right thing! We’re human! I would like to always be present enough to make ethical conduct my go to way of being but sometimes my emotions take over and maybe I say an unwise thing or make an unwise decision. Could be I eat too much ice cream and my stomach hurts! It doesn’t matter what exact examples we use.
When I think of expecting I think of how I want others to respond to me . That’s where I get caught or stuck. I find Disappointment lies in expectations. I can’t control others or even many of the events that occur in the world but I can try my best to respond with compassion and kindness. I can say yes this too to the present moment letting go of whatever ideas of expectations are there.
Does this help?

I think I have written something like this before as well and to me it means that I do what I believe is right ethically/ give love unconditionally. To not have an expectation means we move through the world doing what’s right. We can’t control the outside world but we can make choices to the right thing . Going with the flow means to me that when things happen out of my control I may not like them but I can choose my best response and go with the flow. An example could be I get a migraine and I don’t want to have one but I must make a good choice and take my meds and let my body rest. I go with the flow by accepting reality.
I think this is what I mean most of the time when I no expectations and go with the flow . Hope this is helpful.