My mother was a powerful and wonderful storyteller. She could read books in character. She told made up stories that were funny, or scary, or sad. She told stories from her own childhood with great animation – some of which were hilarious, but upon reflection were incredibly sad. And she lived her life out of a self story of shame, abandonment and “less-than”. Because she was so good at storytelling and living her story, I took on much of her story and stories as my own. And it has taken my whole life to disentangle what was hers and what is mine. And the release part is even harder. To release some of those stories is to release her, which I had a hard enough time doing when she died. I loved and still do the gift of storytelling that my sisters and I learned from our mother. We can spin a great yarn.

When I was younger, in my early 40’s, I ran daily, early in the mornings. Every day a different route from my house. Two of the routes took my by a beautiful old house with an chain link fence around it. And covering the fence was honeysuckle. In the summer when I was running I could smell the sweetness before I ever got there. And once I was at the house I just had to stop, stick my face in there and breathe deeply. It’s a wonder I was never stung by a bee. I was so grateful for those runs, so grateful for my good health, so grateful for my life at that point in time. That smell reminds me of how good it felt to feel so healthy, young and free.

Kindness gets a lot of publicity, whether it is practiced with that much fortitude I don’t know. But decency seems to get the short end of this partnership. But can one truly be kind without also being decent? Or vice versa? The partnership seems to come with life experience, age and wisdom, although probably not always all three. But I would say Both kindness and decency have to be “practiced” – just like any skill in order for them to become habit and second or first nature. All that is to say, both are needed desperately right now. Our communal lives need the richness of the partnership of kindness and decency in so many ways. It should be the root of our social and political system.

There are so many ways to be generous with my resources – time, energy, money, talents, hospitality…COVID has interrupted and challenged the ways I have lived generously in the past. I have learned that gift-giving is not what most of my family appreciates. I have noticed that in the absence of them being able to come to our house and experience our hospitality, I rarely hear from any of them – that I was the initiator of our connectedness. I have noticed that I can be more generous through organizations that are opening up their services like Habitat for Humanity or Meals on Wheels, through which I can share my time. I have noticed that I can be generous with comments, compliments, and listening to those on social media who are hurting, suffering, frustrated – I can call and send cards, when before COVID that was something I rarely did. And I”m finding out it is something people really appreciate. But I’m also noticing that I must be careful about feeling obligated to give, as opposed to feeling led to give through my heart (or the Spirit).

After retiring I needed to do something with my time. I gardened, got my new house in order, but still I needed some way to connect with others. I looked for book clubs, crafting groups, classes. But then COVID came and none of those were available for meeting people. For 18 long months I searched, prayed and longed to do something that would both engage me with others and use me to serve others. Finally one day I googled Meals on Wheels. I had done this before in another community and found it easy and meaningful. They are always in need of drivers. It can be done safely in the midst of this pandemic, while still helping others, making new friends, and getting me out of the house. I have found that for me God has to “work on me”, not bully me, or manipulate me, but allow me to come to the time and project for myself – when the time and purpose are right, I’m there with all my heart. It’s just something I finally know. This has happened time and again throughout my life. The journey is challenging, but the rewards are great.

I think I could live more wholeheartedly if I could see and be with my kids and grandkids more frequently. Sometimes I feel like I don’t even know them anymore since COVID. It would help me to live more wholeheartedly to sing wholeheartedly in worship along with a full choir accompanied by a big pipe organ and grand piano. It is helping me to be in a book/Bible study, even if it is virtual, to have my mind engaged with new ideas and presence of the Spirit. It is helping me to have started delivering Meals on Wheels – to feel like I am contributing, making a difference is the messy time in which we are living. It would help me to have someone ask me how I am doing and really want to hear what I have to say. I ask others all the time and then sit and listen for hours. I really don’t have anyone who listens to me.

Making plans energizes me – trips, menus, birthday parties, goal setting, reunions, anything really – I just love researching, organizing, scheduling, pulling it altogether. Also leading Bible study – partly some of the same reason, but then seeing the light go on for people, seeing lives connect with the Spirit. Interacting with youth and and children energizes – but now it’s mostly watching, listening and playing board games with them. Cooler weather energizes me – hot humid where I am now is draining.

First of all, being born into a family that “churched” me in a place where there was a true sense of family – as in we were all God’s family. It never occured to me that wasn’t the case. However, the true spiritual growth began when I began going to church camp as a counselor with youth and felt drawn to attend seminary. It was there that I was introduced not only to the academics of religion, but the definition and practices of spiritual formation. It was there that I was able to finally put words to experiences I had had and would have, and to begin to look at life through spiritual lenses. It was there that I began to understand what Kevin says ” Experiences didn’t shape my spiritual life; my spiritual life shaped my experiences.”