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Gratefulness
Reframing, based in a belief that the universe is an organizing energy force of well-being, helps me shift from an unconsciously-chosen, unpleasantly-feeling “story”. Also, remembering that I have the choice about what to focus on and that what I focus on increases also helps me to choose gratefulness rather than remaining stuck in a unpleasantly-feeling perspective.
Each time I made the effort to find and acknowledge the value of the experience related to someone I’d kept at a distance, I could actually feel the “pushing away” within me diminishing–not that I wanted to bring that person close, but having a feeling of acceptance of them the way I naturally accept the cacti that adorn my world. They are OK, but not something I want to get too close to again because I’ve experienced their ‘pricklies.’
wisdom
As in “STOP LOOK GO”, being fully present, then having clear perspective, and then, seeing clearly what possibility/opportunity may be useful and effective, taking an action that is clearly and truly needed and wanted. From my experience of widowhood, I experienced many people who did not know how to be with a mourner. And, in their discomfort of not-knowing, but initiating action anyway, it became them, sadly, who obviously needed comfort. My best advice to others soon after thos...
As in “STOP LOOK GO”, being fully present, then having clear perspective, and then, seeing clearly what possibility/opportunity may be useful and effective, taking an action that is clearly and truly needed and wanted. From my experience of widowhood, I experienced many people who did not know how to be with a mourner. And, in their discomfort of not-knowing, but initiating action anyway, it became them, sadly, who obviously needed comfort. My best advice to others soon after those early days of widowhood was to tell people that silence and/or saying “I am sorry for your loss,” was a good way to be with a mourner. And, asking if the mourner would like a hug, rather than initiating it, is also good advice. STOP LOOK GO.
Growing up, my mother did not allow excuses, saying “You have NO reason not to [do what needs to be done].” So, in the midst of great angst dealing with dishonest lawyers and employees following my husband’s death, I found the strength and perseverance within myself to choose life (instead of suicide) to do what needed to be done, being doggedly persistent during the years it took to complete all that I had to do. Thanks Mom.
After reading Sage Cohen’s essay “On Choosing Gratitude”, I realize more fully that the old unpleasant “stories” I can release are the ones in which I am able to find something related to them that I can appreciate.
Like the song says, “Let there be peace on Earth, and let it begin with me.”
Dear Sage: Thank you for your blog. I realize now how I created an ongoing feeling of having been traumatized for the past several years. I’d believed that talking/sharing about those difficult days, might release them. But, I could also tell that I was just ‘stirring up the mud.’ The last paragraph of your blog helped me to see that even though I believed I was ‘just’ honestly and accurately reporting on the events as they had occurred, I was describing the eve...
Dear Sage: Thank you for your blog. I realize now how I created an ongoing feeling of having been traumatized for the past several years. I’d believed that talking/sharing about those difficult days, might release them. But, I could also tell that I was just ‘stirring up the mud.’ The last paragraph of your blog helped me to see that even though I believed I was ‘just’ honestly and accurately reporting on the events as they had occurred, I was describing the events as “problems,” and it is that perspective that has kept me with the dissatisfaction and resentment as you so well pointed out. What generated and maintained a kind of PTSD now seems so obvious. And now the solution is obvious, too. Thank you so very much.
Today I’d been thinking about those who had been unkind towards me, along with a teaching I’d heard that those who take things out on their chosen target are coming from their own fears, often having nothing truly personal to do with their easily accessible target. I feel sad and also compassion for these confused souls, and grateful for this understanding.
To be honest, somewhere in childhood, I developed a belief that “though I wasn’t wanted, at least I could be of service”. Appreciative acceptance gave me a sense of belonging. Even though I recognize that being-of-service has been a way of life for me in order to engender a sense of belonging, THE PURE JOY I feel when helping others makes being-of-service, in itself, totally worthwhile..
Having a strong ongoing interest and practice in learning and personal growth, I’ve willingly shared what I discover with those who ask.
physically: a brisk walk; mentally and/or emotionally: a meaningful realization that gives a greater understanding, usually about Life
When I perceive something to be more than simply ‘spilled milk’ to be wiped up, I pause, resting in a sense of grateful presence, then acknowledge, compassionately accept, and let go of the ‘story’ that defined the event as a ‘challenge’. Then, I find that I am able to respond to the situation in whatever way is truly needed, if at all.
One of the many experiences I’ve had that stands out in my memory happened when watching a video in a high school chemistry class. We were presented with the image of a classical painting, probably a Monet. The focus of the image slowly became one of colored dots. Then, the focus went deeper into image, becoming molecules, atoms, and then electrons and protons with the understanding that there is an underlying and ongoing energy force. At that point, it seemed to me that the foundation of e...
One of the many experiences I’ve had that stands out in my memory happened when watching a video in a high school chemistry class. We were presented with the image of a classical painting, probably a Monet. The focus of the image slowly became one of colored dots. Then, the focus went deeper into image, becoming molecules, atoms, and then electrons and protons with the understanding that there is an underlying and ongoing energy force. At that point, it seemed to me that the foundation of everything was some kind of energy force. Following that belief, I’d explain to friends the unity of all that is by putting my hand on a table and stating that there was no difference, in essence, between my hand, the table and the air–that ALL IS ONE.
Me, myself, and I create the calm and groundedness I experience when I choose to experience it..
Thanks, Mark. Love the analogy!
Thank you, Cailinrua, for your post. May your strengths and hopes blossom and grow.
Thank you, Pilgrim, for your comment and support.
Thank you, Palm, for your comment. With appreciation, Ann
Thank you, Blooming, for your kind comment. As the saying goes: “It takes one to know one,” that is, in this way, for you to see such things in me means that it must be in you. With great-felt appreciation, Ann
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