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Gratefulness
The ability to wake up to another new day — one with which we will surely need to wrestle and reckon, but one that will also teach and transform us, … this is the unpromised gift for which to be grateful.
Photo: Adam Neumann
As we make our way toward the close of 2020, waking up grateful can admittedly be hard, and remaining grateful even harder. I usually awaken expectantly to each new dawn, but in this year of so much uncertainty, suffering, and loss, a heaviness descends and makes rising into the day more difficult. The current plight and unknown fate of the world is a heavy weight to bear. Given daily headlines that increasingly defy belief, any open-hearted, compassionate person who tries to find cause for consistent happiness, gratitude, or optimism will be stymied. Indeed, looking to develop a wholly positive attitude in the face of the wrenching circumstances we currently face does not make sense and will not, alone, offer us relief. The need to acknowledge and face the truth of all that is broken and in need of repair pulls at any tender heart that is awake.
It is in the moments when I am suffering most for the world that I realize I can often become incapacitated, looking for life to attend to me rather than turning myself to attend to life. In these times, I have forgotten that carrying a heavy burden of suffering is not the debt I owe a hurting world, nor the way I best prove my care. I have forgotten that it is exactly the pain of a broken heart combined with my belief in healing that offers me the capacity I need in order to be engaged. I have forgotten that when my eyes fill with wonder and my heart with love or joy, I do not betray my concerns for the world — I nourish my capacity to attend to them.
Gratefulness does not require that I substitute happiness for the richness and teachings of struggle.
Living gratefully supports us to wake up to the gift of a day without denying what is difficult or putting a positive spin on things. Gratefulness does not require that I substitute happiness for the richness and teachings of struggle. It does not ask that I look away from the suffering within and around me in favor of optimism. It does not say that I should have gratitude for everything; it is absurd to imagine that everything in life is worthy of our praise. But gratefulness suggests that everything in life warrants our greatest presence. And presence is precisely what makes us available for perspective and a sense of possibility, the agency of which fuels energy, imagination, and innovation to help us build a more hopeful future.
Gratefulness offers a merciful path for walking through life with our eyes and hearts wide open. It supports us to attend to the potency of what is life-affirming, beautiful, and moving in our exact moments of brokenheartedness. It invites us to sit with paradox in more fully noticing the magnificence of humanity as we face the mire. It asks us to live with poignancy, holding the concurrent truths that life is both extraordinarily precious and stunningly fleeting. When we open ourselves to this poignancy, we are simply better equipped to navigate the hardships of life with a sense of possibility. Max Lerner’s proclamation that he was ‘neither an optimist nor pessimist, but a possibilist’ has long moved me. Gratefulness allows us to be moved toward possibility, even in the midst of a global pandemic, even in the midst of outrage, fear, and grief.
When we take something for granted, the enlivening energy of its full presence and possibility is lost. Things become inanimate to us, and we to them. It is deadening. While it is surely tragic to take the gifts of our lives for granted — and gratefulness is the practice of bringing these gifts more alive — it may also be important to look at the ways we can slowly become inured to injustice and tragedy. When we are inured, it is as though we take the existence of grave social ills for granted, in effect saying, “well, that’s just the way it is” or “it’s too entrenched to do anything about.” When the realities of violence, greed, racism, economic instability, or climate change get taken for granted, it is at great peril. They become like chronic pain or smog to which we have become acclimated. Sources of great suffering can become a backdrop that we see and question less. In the stagnation of being taken for granted, the harms in the world and the possibilities for repairing them are more easily overlooked. It can then, sadly, take more and more tragic wake-up calls to wake us up to what matters and what we can do about it.
Unlike gratitude and happiness as they are commonly understood, gratefulness is the opposite of a self-satisfied pacifier.
Becoming and remaining awake is the antidote to sleepwalking through life. Living gratefully is an intervention in apathy and complacency, both of which attempt to numb us to that which feels beyond our control. Unlike gratitude and happiness as they are commonly understood, gratefulness is the opposite of a self-satisfied pacifier. It keeps us awake and activates our hearts toward greater clarity and courage. Being awake in this way, we become alert to, appreciative of, and alive for the things that matter to us. We attend to life and act on its behalf instead of waiting for life to attend to us. This empowers our ability to embody and act on our core values — deep-seated values such as love. And the world needs a lot of love in action right now.
The ability to wake up to another new day — one with which we will surely need to wrestle and reckon, but one that will also teach and transform us, one we will be able to influence and impact, one in which we can always declare and share love — this is the unpromised gift for which to be grateful. This is the opportunity not to take for granted. Because if we are truly awake, we know that one unpredictable day, we will simply not have the gift of another day — a day such as today, with all of its beauty and pain, opportunity and beckoning possibility.
Kristi Nelson is executive director of A Network for Grateful Living and the author of Wake Up Grateful: The Transformative Practice of Taking Nothing for Granted (Storey Publishing, November, 2020).
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Oh, how we are Loved! Thank you Kristi.
Indeed. It is so good to be able to tune into the love that is streaming toward us from so many sources at all times. Thank YOU Patjos.
and not forgetting, most certainly, from within, and for that may we be forever grateful. 🙂
Beautifully expressed Kristi. Thank you! You have put words to parts of my recent experience of being displaced in a long hard winter, having lost most of my possessions and immediate life purpose in the place I called home for 30 years, as the world seemingly crashed. Struggling to maintain optimism I found through much tenacity possibility in gratitude and gratitude in the unprecedented possibilities that then unfolded. While I’m not able to articulate myself as well as your beautiful expressions, nonetheless it is comforting to know others share a sense of blessing in these difficult times. I’m sure there will be many who draw strength from your book. All the best. Kind regards, Dusty
Oh Dusty Su – Your words are so eloquent and meaningful. I am sorry for what you have been through, but you clearly do not lack for capacity for reflection and resilience. Thank you for your blessing on the book. Knowing that my words offer comfort is great encouragement to carry on. Many blessings to you, friend. Stay close. Stay safe.
What a kind response. Thank you yet again! Cheers, Dusty
Leslie – It means so much to be able to offer one another “some comfort and relief” in these challenging times. Thank YOU for turning towards what can support you. Please keep coming back for more. There is a bottomless well here, and much nourishment to be had. Please take care of your heart.
Kristi. This is wonderful! A balm for my soul. Thank you! Is this article an excerpt from the book or its own piece? Either way, I very much look forward to reading the book. Thanks for this site and all you do.
Hi Craig – Thank you so much. It is such a humble privilege to be able to speak with words that offer balm into this moment at hand, at a time when there is so much about which to be distraught and overwhelmed. I wrote this piece very recently so it is not in the book per se, but much of its underlying sentiment is in there. Thank you for your engagement with our work. I am so glad you are looking forward to the book.
Thank you for posting this article! The timing couldn’t be better. I’ve spent the better part of the past 2 days contemplating the concept of being grateful in the face of hardships. I’m getting ready for bed, knowing I have to face mine in the morning, and wanting to do it with a light and grateful heart, jumped online for a quick dose of what I hoped to be a pick me up. And voila! The first thing I saw was your post. To see the thoughts that have been banging around my head put into words and your perspective, was just what I needed. So, thank you.
VNM – How absolutely wonderful that this piece of writing spoke directly and deeply to you right now! I am honored and overjoyed. What you state you need in order to help you wake up to the challenges of the day, is exactly why I wrote the book last year. Thanks for being a part of this community and offering your voice to the conversation we are all having here…
Dear Kristi, this is so beautiful! Thank you! Living gratefully has so profoundly transformed my life, that it is beyond words. Much of the time I feel such a sense of peace and love. To be here on earth and having this human experience, even with all its challenges, is such a gift and a blessing! This site has been so instrumental in helping me to learn to live gratefully. Thank-you from my heart! 💖 May God’s peace be with us all 🕊🌈
Sheila – You are clearly a shining example of someone who has turned her life around through learning to live gratefully moment-to-moment, no matter your circumstances. Thanks for being a perpetual inspiration.
Kristi, thank-you so much for your kind words! Every since I found ANGL, everyone with this site has been a shining example for me and I am deeply grateful! Thank-you! Peace, love and blessings to all 🌻🦋
I have been learning to practice gratefulness since finding this site and am becoming aware that I don’t have an intellectual framework for what I am doing. I don’t feel any particular urgency to change that, but reading your words today suggested to me that a broader understanding of what I am practicing may be coming. Thank you.
Tom – Your comment moves me so much as articulating a moment-to-moment, actionable “framework” for living gratefully is the very reason I felt the longing to write the book. My hope is that the book is a trustworthy guide and helps to orient people on their path. Thank you so much for your engagement with gratefulness. Your presence means a lot.
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We are delighted to announce the release of Kristi Nelson’s book Wake Up Grateful