By pausing, stoping, taking a breath. I respond and do not react.
I need to love myself fully and completely including all flaws.
This includes my inner critic.
Whilst my first reaction used to be suspicioun and judgement
I now purposely Stop, Breath, Listen, Notice.
I listen again with empathy. and I have heard some amazing stories and I have learnt so much.
I am so gratefull for allowing myself to develope the art of really listening, noticing, thinking, then respond and not reacting.
At times it is not easy , old habits die hard.
To embrance what is, the good, and the bad. I have the opportunity to notice them, acknowledge them, and not to fight and struggle with the bad. For me ,doing this takes away the power of the bad and ugly. I recently came across the phrase ” Vita ad Viventum” which google says is ” Life is for living”.. this is a wondeful opportunity.. so I really really try to live in the now.
Whatever it is…This is it,… it is what it is….Carpe Diem.
Having been hospitalised with depression in 2010, i can fully empathise with your journey. My six year struggle was harrowing and horrendous , and many many times, giving up seemed such an easier option. Then in 2015 along came serious illness, 5 months in hospital, with 3 surgical procedures. Recovery started in Jan 2016, but In April 2016, got knocked down by car. I was extremely lucky 12 hours in hospital, and sick, sore and sorry for a couple of weeks,and still now feeling the after effects. Howvere Gratefulness has been a saviour for me particularly as i unintentionally discovered gratefulness.org. My struggle is ongoing, however in recent times, the mountain is not so steep. Re-wiring the brain was such an huge task. Mindfulness also helps me. I also believe that the holy spirit had a hand in what happened to me ( but thats another story). Maye a case of “when the student is ready the master will appear”
Congrats on you journey, and keep up the good work, you are an inspiration and an amazing person. Your 9 grandkids should be very pround of you
Thank you and keep well
Grandad to 11……
Since the unexsepected,unasked for, unwanted, gift of serious illness, every day is now ” experienced as a wonderous gift filled with the heart of wonder “, I try to accept the good and the bad as such. Today was such a day and I hope tomorrow will be the sameI am thankful and I am so so very grateful.
The part of the question that i like here is “Felt at Home”
I have lived in a few different houses, and slept in many different beds, but strangely enough, where I have felt at home is in the strangest of places. Due to my “discovery” of mindfulness, I am usually content with where I am, but there is a difference with being content and “feeling at Home” . Home usually means a permanent place of abode, or you have arrived at place that is the end of a journey. Home to me ,is a place of tranquility, peace , acceptance and as John O Donohue says
“May this home be a place of discovery,
Where the possibilities that sleep
In the clay of your soul can emerge
To deepen and refine your vision
For all that is yet to come to birth.”
This usually happens when I am in Nature, trying to capture through photogratphy, The essence and beauty of nature.
Once in a tiger temple in Thailand, I “felt at home ” . I did not acknowledge the feeling, and truth fully felt scared of it, asking myself ” what is going on with you” in this strange land.
Another time it happened in the blue mountains in New South Wales in Australia, again I dismissed the feeling.
It also happened in the National Park , near Killarney. Co. Kerry, Ireland.
Perhaps in my previous life I was ” bird in the wilds” or if reincarnation is true, i might be coming back as one.
During a recent illness, there were many times when I wanted it all to end, and I asked the good lord to let me die. My entire life felt ” groundlessness “, this was despite prayers from friends, and support from , but deep deep down within me, i felt that at times i could see a diamond sparkle that would not just go out.
Now in recovery i know that the diamond sparke,was the motativation that kept me going and allowed me to live again. Now i wake up each day with gratefulness for the mystery and miracle of being here. This is my motivation for the day. I believe it to be the holy spirit, and where it leads me, I am now happy to follow.
I am fortunate in that I live in a country where I have freedom.
Fortunate that I can get up in the morning and dress myself unaided, walk down the stairs unaided and have the ability to taste my food.
I am fortunate that i have the use of my senses. I can feel the sun on my face the wind blowing, hears the birds singing, feel the ground under my feet. I am fortunate to have come through a serious illness, and it has taught me, that not alone is life short, but that life is for living. A lot of what really matters in life is free, not everything, but a lot.
Now,.. ” I go my soul’s way ” and Heaven can wait.
Thank you Holy Spirit.
I am so fortunate
The ease , the clarity, the openness, the effortlessness, of each moment should be it’s simplicity.
This morning my black cloud of depression asended.
I’m stuck, and I cannot get to the simplicity of the moment.
Over-analysis can take from the enjoyment of the moment.
I try to Stop, be conscious of my Breath, and be aware of the now.
The past is gone, the future may never come.
The now is a simple gift, accept it love it.
i am also afflicted by or maybe addicted to D and A. I struggle , Am doing ok now.
When it strikes out of the blue ( Therapisits talk about a trigger, but i cannot find a trigger, it just strikes).. Anyway when it does this is one of my favourite poems.
May you know tender shelter and healing blessing when you are called to stand in the place of pain.
May the places of darkness within you be surprised by light.
May you be granted the wisdom to avoid false resistance and when suffering knocks on the door of your life, may you be able to glimpse its hidden gift.
May you be able to see the fruits of suffering.
May memory bless and shelter you with the hard-earned light of past turmoil, to remind you that you have survived before,
And though the darkness is now deep,
You will soon see approaching light.
May this give you confidence and trust.
May a window of light always surprise you.
May the grace of transfiguration heal your wounds.
~ By John O’Donohue.
I send you good karma and will light candle for u.
Well Done Trevor,
The fact that you were aware and noticed your reaction is a huge step forward. As you say it is a continous effort.You will improve, the longest journey begins with a small step.
Best of luck..
Thank you Kevin
Thank you Debbie
Just reaching my 7th decade, and while recently ill, (thankfully now recovering), a friend sent this to me. I hope the ” feeling down” lifts for you. I know it it is not easy.
for a friend, on the arrival of illness
Now is the time of dark invitation
Beyond a frontier that you did not expect;
Abruptly, your old life seems distant.
You barely noticed how each day opened
A path through fields never questioned,
Yet expected deep down to hold treasure.
Now your time on earth becomes full of threat;
Before your eyes your future shrinks.
You lived absorbed in the day to day,
So continuous with everything around you,
That you could forget you were separate;
Now this dark companion has come between you,
Distances have opened in your eyes,
You feel that against your will
A stranger has married your heart.
Nothing before has made you
Feel so isolated and lost.
When the reverberations of shock subside in you,
May grace come to restore you to balance.
May it shape a new space in your heart
To embrace this illness as a teacher
Who has come to open your life to new worlds.
May you find in yourself
A courageous hospitality
Towards what is difficult,
Painful and unknown.
May you use this illness
As a lantern to illuminate
The new qualities that will emerge in you.
May the fragile harvesting of this slow light
Help you to release whatever has become false in you.
May you trust this light to clear a path
Through all the fog of old unease and anxiety
Until you feel arising within you a tranquility
Profound enough to call the storm to stillness.
May you find the wisdom to listen to your illness:
Ask it why it came? Why it chose your friendship?
Where it wants to take you? What it wants you to know?
What quality of space it wants to create in you?
What you need to learn to become more fully yourself
That your presence may shine in the world.
May you keep faith with your body,
Learning to see it as a holy sanctuary
Which can bring this night-wound gradually
Towards the healing and freedom of dawn.
May you be granted the courage and vision
To work through passivity and self-pity,
To see the beauty you can harvest
From the riches of this dark invitation.
May you learn to receive it graciously,
And promise to learn swiftly
That it may leave you newborn,
Willing to dedicate your time to birth
Pilgrim, I wish you well on your ” soul journey “.
The irish poet John O’Donohue wrote
” May you awaken to the mystery of being here
and enter the quiet immensity of your own presence.
May you have peace and joy in the temple of your senses.
May you receive great encouragement when new frontiers beckon.
May you respond to the call of your gift and find the
courage to follow its path “.
I will Light a candle for you,so that the “new frontiers ” will lift your weariness,
and do please be kind to yourself.
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